Question answered: Low self-esteem. Need help!?



I’m in the last year of university and so many of my friends have already started getting job offers. I’m somehow not the type who wins an interview. I am an introvert and can’t sell my skills to strangers. I feel worthless as if i don’t have any talents. I feel my time at university has added no value to my personality and i feel guilty about having wasted my parents’ money. i wish i had a talent such as singing or playing a sport on the national or international level. Yet i am a nobody. i don’t feel motivated to do anything. people around me seem so driven, yet i don’t care and feel like running away to a faraway place where i can be happy with who i am and not have to compare myself with others.




First of all. TAKE OFF THE PRESSURE. The other people around you, they don’t have pressure on them. You have all of the pressure on you. Take it from someone who thought he was the most worthless piece of garbage on the planet, pressure is imaginary, it’s all in the head. But we feel it because people CREATE pressure with their imaginations. Not only you, everyone does, but you are overcome by that pressure, so pressure doesn’t work for you, and that isn’t a problem at all, pressure is imaginary, and you’ll be better off not knowing that. In that regard, you being “behind” others will be untrue, because they will likely be living in the imaginary pressure cooker all their lives while you have a chance to step back from all that imaginary stuff. You have a chance because you don’t spread it around, you don’t THRIVE on pressure, you don’t rely on something imaginary to further yourself, while everyone else does, except a few people in the world, a very select few.

We have to go through our greatest hells, to find out greatest heaven. But we can’t find our greatest heaven until we notify the sources of our hell. These self esteem issues are very deep and exist in your mind and you probably know very well what the sources are, but you are thinking “it’s my fault”. It isn’t your fault. You are perfect, and you can do many amazing things, but you can’t start to do them until you BE HONEST about the things that are preventing you from those amazing things. You would like to visualize yourself as someone important. That is either a) vision, or b) narcissism. I think it’s vision, if you were narcissistic instead of feeling down about yourself for people being happy with their lot you would HATE them for being happy with their lot. So I think it’s vision. but vision gets impaired, because we never get a chance to talk about our vision, and if we do even attempt to talk about it all, we get labeled things like narcissistic etc. People who label aren’t the people you should be listening to. You should be listening to yourself. Your SOUL is right. No one in your life knows 00000000001% of what the feelings in your mind, heart and soul are, yet you know 100%. But you are hurting, because you feel like you know 0%, while everyone else seems to know 100% of everything, including you of course.

Here is your bible. It is my bible anyway. This has worked for me 100%. I was the biggest loser on the planet. Adhering to this, and it has taken me about 2 years (so far), has opened my mind, and started changing my life. I wrote this so of course I think it’s brilliant lol, but I share it because it has worked for me, “get more confident”, “get over it”, “other people have it worse”, “you can do it”, “smile more”, these are EMPTY solutions. Your brain is wired far more differently, your brain carries all this trauma, which has led you to where you are, and will just grow and grow if it is left to dominate. Everything takes time. And you have to think that consciously. Getting a job in your case takes time. You have to get the confidence to sell yourself, you have to stop comparing yourself to all the others who are getting ahead, which also takes time. Everything takes time, and it has been taking a hell of a lot of time already but nothing has been improving, that is because time has not CONSCIOUSLY been implemented. Just keep reminding yourself, it all takes time. THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT. There is no pressure, because there is no time limit, it all takes as long as it takes. No time limit. It is not easy to adhere to this, you have been spending all your life trying to “get over it” that you have made a habit of that, a habit of hating yourself for not getting over it. You have to make a habit of giving yourself as long as you need, to replace the habit of just wanting everything to be better right away. You have to take time to replace the habits of not letting time be your friend, and you have to take time making a habit of time becoming your friend. I swear by this.

In August 2012, I was just dead. Absolutely wiped. No hope. Years of it, arguably my whole life. I do a few IQ tests, in fear, because I think I’m the biggest retard on the planet. I score high. I do 10 altogether. I score high in all of them. But I still don’t feel better, I believe I must have cheated in some way. I believed in everything but myself. I start playing Sudoku. I am a natural at it. I just play sudoku for months, like I’m obsessed. I’m really good, and just get better. I SLOWLY, slowly, start to find things, remember things. I’m a really logical person. I was really good at Maths because I was logical, I mean really good. I still am not convinced, but I believe that I’m going somewhere, I don’t have a clue just where I’m going now, but I feel something is happening. So I keep playing Sudoku, it starts to help my brain start working. I have found out I have a pretty high IQ (speculatively, I eventually find out IQ doesn’t even matter, it’s a human created thing, it doesn’t have anything to do with the spirit, it’s for the ego), so I can’t be retarded, and I used to be pretty good at Maths. I am way off, but I start SLOWLY finding things. But there is much more in my life. Me finding these things I knew about myself, why did I forget them? I can hardly even venture down that though, because I am being still obliterated by all of these other thoughts. All these thoughts that haunt me, that say “YOU AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH”, that downplay anything good I have ever found about myself, just like they sh!t all over the very concept of any dreams I may have had in my life. I eventually in October, start facing the music. It really isn’t me. I have thought it was me all my life, but I knew it wasn’t. I knew my failings, were down to more than me. I start discovering, finding things I have been looking for, finding answers. And I eventually find them. But I still don’t believe them. It hits me like a bolt of thunder one night, where I just say to myself “I have trauma. That is my one problem, I have trauma”. So, I start thinking about trauma. How do you get rid of trauma? You rest. I read about trauma, I think about trauma, I know where the deeper problems lie, but I know ALL of those problems are joined as one, joined as trauma.

Now in May 2014, 29 years old, I am still getting rid of trauma, but I am getting rid of alot, and now I know what path I am on. I have 3 book ideas in my head. I can see these ideas CLEARLY. My whole recovery has been less about finding out what I can do, and recovering from the things I have been through in my life. Getting used to a new habit. A bunch of new habits. It just so happens that ‘conveniently’ as I have been wiping away assorted trauma, my mind starts opening up. I never even thought of writing books, apart from some far off dream in fantasy land that I hated myself for ever thinking of, thought of myself as a pathetic worm who wouldn’t get real. But now, I am forming ideas, GOOD IDEAS, still taking as much time as I need to take, I am only 29, as time has gone on my thoughts of “I’ve wasted my entire life and doomed my entire future” have totally started warping from that to “I’m only 29”. AND THAT IS THE ULTIMATE TRUTH. I am only 29. I’m “behind” people on a lot of things, but all this stuff I went through, even though it was holding me back, it has given me the opportunity to look at myself in such ways that other people just haven’t had the chance. I’M WRITING BOOKS LOL. a 3 book epic (that I have given myself no time limit to complete, could take 10+ years, there is no rush) and a thriller and a comedy book. Which also have no time limits, but I can feel will be easier stories to tell than the epic. And I’m answering questions on the internet to try help people, started a website to help others, and 2 years ago the very notion that I could even do that kind of stuff was a far off fantasy, that I don’t even think I let myself have time to have. Found out some crazy solutions to some very big problems. And I’ve done it all by getting time ON MY SIDE. Time was against me all my life. I know myself not only far better than I ever did, I learned things about myself like they were brand new that I had forgotten totally about myself (I found out I knew who I was all along, and have eventually found that I am better than I ever hoped).

This is only 1 life. We can do anything. we are wired to do absolutely anything, including turning hell into heaven. THREATS do not work. ULTIMATUMS do not work. PRESSURE does not work. TIME LIMITS do not work. LOVE works. You having trouble loving yourself? Well with time on your side, you can give yourself time to find out everything you need, time to love yourself, time to learn to breathe, time to figure out where your problems are coming from, time to get the confidence to deal with these problems, time for absolutely every single thing in your life that is wrong. This is the solution, we can all do it. This is why I help, because I was looking at everything except deep inside. I wasn’t allowed to look inside, because no one else does, everyone lives for image, which I was “below” on. Now most other people have image, but I have self image. Self image is the truth, because it is real. All the real is hurting Maria, because it is buried under an image, that has been created for you by others, and that you have ingested as “who you are”. You know who you are. I know you do. but you have to find her, and you have to give yourself support to find her. Because the truth is nobody will help you find her, nobody will help you. Except some whackjob on the internet that tells you YOU CAN find her.

This is my link. It explains the technicalities of why time is what you need and why it is not working, but the important thing is the message, “it takes as long as it takes”. You don’t need to think so much about the technicalities, unless you find yourself drawn, the important thing is the message.

You were born for a reason, and you’ll find it.



How the subconscious is affected and how to beat subconscious thoughts (Situational Example)



WHY is this happening? Why can’t this woman find a decent looking man who likes her back? Is she ugly?  or just Very Unlucky?

Please tell me why this woman has never had ONE decent looking man in her life who asked her out and showed interest in her?
She was only approached by ugly, very old, and creepy men.
Her family, friends, acquaintances tell her she is pretty but she CAN’T believe that anymore
All those hideous, perverted men who chase and harass her all the time tell her she is gorgeous too
but NO handsome man has ever told her that and has never
asked her for a date
What is wrong with her?
Is she unattractive?
Please explain why she can’t attract a good looking man even ONCE in her life?Personality wise she is an angel but this is irrelevant anyway
because I am talking about INITIAL attraction BEFORE people
get to know each other’s personalities
I am talking about walking into a classroom for example at the university
and just based on appearance solely
have 10 disgusting men, even the professors who are 50 or 60
turn their heads and start ogling her and trying to grab her attention
which makes her feel really sad and depressed
but at the same time all the handsome men in the class
act as if she is not even there. They even avoid her or
don’t look at her directly.Why is this happening?
Is she ugly?

Additional Update:
But I am talking about INITIAL attraction as I said.The men who hit on her DON’T even get to know her personality.They just see her and based on her looks they harass her while the men SHE wants just ignore her,again WITHOUT even giving her the chance to show them her nice personality.NO she never hangs out with creeps, quite the opposite. It’s just that THEY always find her and chase her even if she is constantly avoiding them. She is like a magnet for them even if she does NOT want to be.
Well there is a narcissistic cycle to everything, everything links up, so all this stuff about why these people come to her is because there are vibes that she subconsciously sends out that “invites” them in, they are “invited” in because they sense a perceived weakness in this girl. There really isn’t any, but the subconscious has been warped from being FOR her to being AGAINST her. Let’s say for example this happens to this girl 5 times every week, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday etc. And let’s say, 52 weeks in a row. So this would happen 260 times in the year. Even the first time would be enough to hit the subconscious, the guy is creepy, totally makes her wretch, so that is one moment of the subconscious being “afraid”. Now let me state this perfectly clearly, it isn’t a weak subconscious, it is MANIPULATED to be “weak” by this creepy guy who invades the boundaries. Just a look can do it, just being in the presence can do it as well. So that is one time this girls boundaries are treated like a “weakness”, and the subconsciousness takes this to be a weakness in this girl. It isn’t really a weakness, remember, it has been MANIPULATED to be a weakness, when this guy invades the boundaries. So just when this happens once, it opens a door so to speak. Creepy predators have a “sense” for this kind of uneasiness. So after 1 creep invades the boundaries, the second creeps feels like he has been “invited” to invade the boundaries. Not one of them have been invited, this is why she is freaked out, because she knows she doesn’t want this attention, but her subconscious is AWARE of this kind of attention. Since the subconscious is aware, this is taken by these predators as being an invite to interact with the girl. So the more it happens, the more it becomes regular. As each creep invades the boundaries, it sends a signal to the subconscious “you invited me”, so her subconscious is working against her now, because the girl knows she doesn’t want any of this attention, but as each projection from these guys is made, the implication made from their projection is “you did this”, so that goes to the subconscious where it thinks “I did this”. So the very first time this ever happened, an implication was sent over from this guys ego via projection because he decided out of thin air that this was his right to do this kind of thing. So the thought from his subconscious that goes into your subconscious is “I am right”, because he has decided in his mind that he is right. So since he is “right”, and his ego gives him the right to throw projection on you, and ego is powerful, because all ignorance knows is a thirst for power, the power of the projection hits the girls subconscious and since the power of ignorance is more FORCEFUL than just being damn normal, the message of “I’m right” over powers the subconscious thought of this girl, so if “they’re right”, that must mean this girl “is wrong”.
There is no wrong in the girls subconscious, but any abuse in any kind of form always comes with the implication that “you brought this on yourself”, so that gets sent to the subconscious. So now the subconscious is made vulnerable to the idea that the girl “brings it on herself”, and is open.
So all the other creepy little predators can just sense this shit, so while they harass her the implication from their ego says “you brought this on yourself”, because ego ALWAYS twists things around to suit the perspective of the person using the ego, so every time there is any kind of victim in a scenario, the victim is always “wrong”, because the power of ego (remember, all ignorance/ego desires nothing but power, and it will do it by force, to “prove” who’s “strong”) uses power because it always must be right in the mind.So it just keeps on happening, because there is a message in the subconscious that “you deserve this” that is going in every single time it happens, it started when the very first of these guys “decided” in his mind she deserved it, and the creepy f**kers who operate the same can see an “opening”, so they can all hide behind the totally biased logic that “she brought it on herself”. So every time it happens, because it has happened, this implication gets sent over, this is why this girl thinks something is “wrong” with her. There is nothing wrong with her at all, but now her mind is playing tricks on her. I would gather that deep deep down she has a fear that she secretly likes this attention, not consciously, but subconsciously. This is how alot of men get women, you hear about the thrill of the chase and so on, women who love being chased love being chased because their subconscious has been manipulated to “think” they like being chased, and it has been manipulated because of men who when they do the chasing send over the message “you like this”. So this girl keeps on getting these creepy guys after her, because every time they invade her boundaries it gets a little more manipulated.So the problem with meeting any eligible men is this, her subconscious is affected from these creepos who are causing her great consternation. From the first creepo, it opened the fllodates, and predators can sense this stuff, so now they all feel like she “invites” this on herself. She doesn’t, but that’s ego you see, it decides to suit it’s own view that it harbors a good person in it, that “she brings it on herself”. So this is all she gets attention wise, because each time one of these creeps pays her attention, it causes her a great bit of trauma (all the frustration involved in that), but we never look at the subconscious. That is the thing that has been affected the most out of everything, because it has been turned against her to make her think “she brings it on herself”. Now I am gathering from the way you have written it, there is A LOT of anger about this, this is because the soul is angry. The girls soul knows she doesn’t want this kind of attention. But her subconscious “thinks” she does, because each implication says “you want it”, and ignorance is powerful, because it forces it’s way in.

I hope I didn’t lose you during this lol, I just wanted to make sure I got everything written down and went rambling on at bits because of it. I say this not to frighten, I say this to enlighten. Knowledge is power, tell this girl this stuff, if it makes sense (and I think it will, someday at least) she can change her subconscious thoughts. I have found that the best way to change subconscious thoughts is to JUDGE who is responsible. These “men” send over this psychological implication, and the girls subconscious is overpowered by it every time, because it doesn’t seek power, it just seeks love. So that is a “weakness” right there. It’s a strength, but a strength that has been manipulated into being a weakness. So the soul seeks love but it knows what kind of love it wants, but the subconscious says “you like this”, so it’s extra frustrating because of this. Program little messages to send to the subconscious, think them constantly, and regularly, but in a way that feels unforceful and natural to her, peaceful, friendly, totally make it like something that isn’t INVADING her, because there are so many stigma’s around the world and sending conscious messages to the subconscious would be considered “insane” or whatever, so that is another subconscious thought to get over, but she can get over all of this, reprogram the subconscious thoughts. The subconscious says regarding these men “you bring it on yourself” (because they FORCE that message into it) so tell her to say “they decided to do it”. Subconscious says “secretly you like it”, so tell her to say “no I don’t”. But I wouldn’t even gives these kinds of messages in these sentences, sentences are open to interpretation, they can be dissected and go into too many avenues. Just a word, a single word that gives a direction. I would suggest JUDGE. Judge is simple, it is a direct message, it is the right message (this girl should not be thinking that this is something she is responsible for, any of it, this only happened because these creepy men decided “it was okay”, so the subconscious was TOLD “it’s okay”. So she isn’t responsible, believe it or not), she should be judging these men, and not internalizing everything that comes with who they are. Judge, she doesn’t have to judge, but it is a simple direct message to send to the subconscious that “she doesn’t bring it on herself”, you see the subconscious has been manipulated to “think” that in some way or all of it this is her problem, so it is JUDGING HERSELF, when the right course of action is to judge these men.

So that message should do the trick, tell her to keep repeating it, she has been subconsciously saying “what is wrong with me” for a very long time so keep telling her to send this message, the more she looks at herself because of these creeps, that is her judging herself. The ANGER about all of this comes from the SOUL, because it KNOWS that she isn’t the problem, but the subconscious says “but it must be you…”.
So i probably lost you again and I apologize for the brain fart, just in summary, tell this girl to use that word, because the subconscious is judging herself, when it should be judging these men. Now she won’t be going around judging everyone, but she will be reprogramming her subconscious that “it is 100% them”, and she won’t be encumbered with these kinds of thoughts anymore. So these men will either stop eventually one day, or she will have absolutely no bother with these men, they won’t invade her the way they currently do, she will be immune to them. Believe it or not, we can do absolutely anything, and we can turn absolute hell into absolute heaven, we just aren’t interested on this planet to help each other out, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. Keep the word JUDGE circulating, it tells the subconscious to stop judging herself, and to judge these people, and anyone else in her life that invades her boundaries too. Beat the manipulated subconscious, and you can beat anything 🙂
So while the subconsious has been manipulated to think it “likes” this kind of attention, she is overly aware of this kind of attention, so can’t sent out positive vibes to those she actually wants attention off, because the negative vibes off who she don’t want attention off dominate.  Reprogramme the subconscious thoughts and things will go into place, because believe it or not, the longer this goes on, the more she entertains the idea that she could like this kind of attention.
Now that I think of it I could have explained the theory why she “likes” it better.  You see, the more she thinks about this, even once, that is the subconscious TAKING RESPONSIBILITY, as if this whole thing is her problem in the first place, it is her responsibility to figure all of this out, after all, she can’t prove that these guys did all of this stuff, because scumbags hide behind everything, but they do their biggest damage on the subconsious.  Every single one of these fuckers should be doing all this thinking about the parts they played, every one of them, but instead she does all the thinking, as if “it’s her responsibility”.  So the subconscious as it thinks, it’s like it is taking responsibility for it all, and is judging itself as the person who should be figuring everything out.  So as she judges herself to be the one to figure it out, she is totally judging herself and not judging the people that are external to her that cause this mayhem.  So that word JUDGE gives a clear message to the subconscious, for the person to stop judging herself, and to judge the parties who should be judged.

Answer to question about suicide (I go on about more than suicide here)



I honestly don’t know how I’ve survived all these years dealing with horrible people and heartbreaking situations but now this being the 12th year of me having depression I’ve seriously had enough i can’t not just stand up anymore and keep waiting for life to get better!! When it’s clearly not, I’ve sat in this chair for the last 2 hours thinking of ways to either kill myself or run away forever. I had enough of it years ago and tried a few times to end my life but don’t know why I pull myself back



You pull yourself back because YOU KNOW really really deep down, that you don’t want to do it. You are depressed FOR A REASON, and always have been. A collection of reasons, but the whole thing is you are depressed for these reasons. I want to help you, I can give answers, and I know because I am 29 now, I have (had) been depressed since the age of 11, and I have just figured out everything.

I have figured out that we are depressed FOR A REASON. It is a natural stage of evolution, the battle between ego and soul. You don’t hear much (if any) from my perspective because everything you hear about depression (and pretty much everything) comes from an ego perspective. Because ego makes money. Depression is about solving complex social problems, your own, but also the world around you in general. Well that’s the way it was for me anyway, I can’t read your mind so I can’t possibly ever give you that kind of direction, but it is definitely to do with your own complex problems, the world DOES affect it though, because they not only leave you depressed but they make you think of it as if it is a bad thing, some kind of ‘mental illness’. I assure you it is the opposite, but it is made to seem this way because in this world were we battle between ego and soul (you can look at it as good v evil if you want), pretty much all of the information that is spread around is for ego purposes, nothing about the soul. Unless some money can be made off of it (think pop music, songs about ‘feelings’, ’emotions’) of course!!! Soul just wants not only yourself to be happy, it wants everyone else to be happy as well. But ego, it twists good things like empathy, compassion, integrity, security, happiness, being good, into ‘weaknesses’. They are not ‘weaknesses’, but they are twisted to be, and most people jump on the ego train as soon as they get a chance, and I’m sure you have been tempted/put under duress to do so as well, because frankly, ego is all over the place, it is ignorant, and the ignorance is the real power. This is why when people get depressed there is all this brew ha ha bs over it, chemical imbalances in the brain, in need of prescription medication, ‘just’ prone to depression. The truth is it is battle between ego and soul, and pretty much all the ‘advice’ you get comes from peoples ego. Not everyone, but anytime when you are made to fell that you trying to make a connection or reach out to humans is a ‘weakness’, or there is any problem at all, that is ego. And as it is dominant, it controls those who REVEL in it, and controls those who don’t have one or could initially keep it firmly in control. People with ego make something like someone being nice into ‘too nice’, so they can make that kind of thing a ‘flaw’ about someone, so they can then brand them ‘walkover’ or whatever, have their way with them.

I have discovered a lot, I used to DREAM of suicide for the majority of my life. I could never do it, and that made me think I was pathetic, because it was another thing I was ‘failing’ at. We only want to commit suicide because we are in the fight between ego and soul (your soul is fighting against your ego, but your ego is controlled from around you, because ‘everyone has ego’ and are proud of it, so you are only dealing with ego humans, not soul humans), and when our soul is being utterly crushed by the ego. If you were one of the egos of the world, you would not be depressed for a very long time (if ever), because you would think you were great, hence act like you were great all of the time. As most do. So these people are actually pretty damn weak, they don’t know the first thing about strength, strength is attained when you go through an unbelievable amount of suffering – and then super strength is attained when you turn the corner. When you start to piece things together, when you start to see that everyone is talking absolute sh!te. And they are, because all the information they give out to the world comes from ego, ego logic is numbers, the only truthful logic is unbiased logic (that’s what logic is, it is unbiased – biased logic is ego logic, because ego is always biased), when you realize that you are in a battle between ego and soul and your soul STARTS FIGHTING, it is fighting now, but you don’t know IT’S OKAY and IT’S RIGHT!!!!! , that is when you turn around. Suicidal thoughts are a test, depression is a test, are you strong enough to evolve (yes I’m serious), or are you going to give in to ego. Some of us just can’t give in to ego, and ironically we think we’re weak. We only think we’re weak, because people who live for their egos say “thinking too much” is weak for example, depression is “bad”. There is a lot of bs that is against you, ALL OF IT comes from ego, and the only ego you really have involved, is that you respect it too much, and you really can’t help it, because it is f**king everywhere. Ego can only listen to some things, it can not listen to some truths, or even all of them. It has to twist everything around to be “biased” in it’s favour. The soul is ultimate truth. It is what you live for, it is the key, but soul is mocked, and it is mocked by ego, and that is why it hurts, because we are listening to ego, instead of our soul. We know what our soul is, but no doubt all through your life whenever you have brought it out of you it has been derided, you were made to feel ‘weak’ for having it. There are answers, with these beautiful brains of ours we can do absolutely anything, and figure out anything and everything. But we are only allowed to talk about “socially acceptable” things, cars, sex, money, sports, family, tv/movies, you know all the things you’re ‘allowed’ to talk about.

You want to talk about more, you yearn to be yourself and live a life of emotional and spiritual freedom, but no one else is doing it (unless it is to ‘show’ others, an ego venture), your soul just wants you to be you and then everything will work out. I believe in you, I believe you can not just turn the corner but exceed the dreams you think are a way off fantasy, but you have to start listening to your soul, and stop listening to your ego. It takes very f**king long though, not as long as you have been depressed by any means, but it takes a long time. Instead of ‘getting over it already’, decide that getting better (and better than ever before) will ‘take as long as it takes’. The first popular advice, it is TOTALLY IGNORANT of what the person is going through, stop being a pu$$y and get over your problems and get to work. It is an ego influenced mantra of life, the people who can adhere to it best are the shallow ego owned people who perpetuate ‘life is short’, ‘yolo’ and spread that stuff around like a virus. The latter mantra, it isn’t something you hear often, but it gives TOTAL FREEDOM to you to figure out what you are going to do with your life. No deadlines, no pressure, no stress, just as long as you need. And that is the real cure, you aren’t going to get anywhere if you decide that by new years eve you are going to be at such a place, it doesn’t matter when you get to the places you want, you will get there: when you get there. There is no limits. Limits are ego inspired. It doesn’t care about the core of who you are and the core of who you are resonates in the soul. People start developing egos at the age of 5 (this is a generalization, everyone is different) and they are only meant to exist to defend yourself, but people start to see they can use the ego for their own gains, to manipulate, gain power. This is most people, and by the time people are ‘grown up’, they are totally living for their ego. And if you aren’t, if you aren’t ‘growing up’ well enough, you are ‘wrong’. By the time you start school, without a doubt, you are introduced to the wide world of ego, where conflicts happen, and packs start forming, as you advance through the years, more ‘socially acceptable’ things come into play, and then you can only do stuff to that is acceptable in certain groups and the wider scheme of things, ‘image is everything’ (image is the root of all ego by the way, a very big reason you are depressed is because your ‘image’ is not what you feel it should be, or want it to be. ‘Image’ is created by ego, the only image that matters is self image, but people think image is the first step for creating self image, they are wrong, this is why people have mid life crisis’, because they follow image their entire lives, never questioning it), as soon as image becomes important people who have to maintain one become sh!tty or subconsciously depressed, and people who can’t give themselves one (and this is strength) think they are pathetic and hate themselves because they have no image.

I’m telling you, this is all true, and I wouldn’t spread it if it didn’t all link up. It is a big world, we should question everything, but we aren’t allowed to question anything. The big men at the top don’t want people who can think for themselves and know the true value of inner strength, so they make things like a natural evolution of the human form like depression into a ‘bad’ thing to be suffering from, because the best way that evil can fight good, is to make good think it is evil. And the worst evil is the evil that thinks it’s good as well, which there is a lot of, so that is what you are up against, evil that thinks it’s good. But ignorance/evil/ego HIDES behind totally, 100% biased logic. People don’t like being alone because they get depressed and they start thinking, WE ARE GIVEN BRAINS TO THINK! They all think that thinking is bad but that they are good and smart. Most people are deathly afraid of their own minds and deal with smart people actually thinking and rightly being confused about the world by projecting them as all the things they really are.

There are answers, you can find them all, I am only writing to you because I know how valuable life is. You are depressed for a reason. You think for a reason. We want to commit suicide because we regardless of whether we think like this if we mention it to people they would think you were koo koo crazy. What a crazy notion, we actually have brains to be used? Nonsense, let’s just not talk about it, keep our feelings to ourselves. We can do ANYTHING. Including the solving of social complex problems, that is why we are depressed, we need to solve problems for ourselves but understand the world around us, but it is a true battle between ego and soul because all those problems are created by ego and our souls are told that they are ‘weak’. Please look at my blog, I make sense to myself at least, there are solutions to everything, but you have to open up the doors in your mind you don’t even know exist.


Just a picture

Just a picture

A while ago, if I saw this picture, I would have been like “WHOOOOOOOAH”.

I just saw it now, and said “Exactly”.

We are really what the picture depicts we really are. We are capable of anything. I firmly believe that the more we are battered, that we are just seeing how much we can really take.

But this isn’t the goal, this is what the result WILL be, the goal is just recovery. That is it. Start slow, keep it simple “I need me to be well”, and then you start stuff flowing to you. But if you need the result, there it is, and if I haven’t already, I will be writing further on WHY this is the truth. Most of the stuff I have written thus far has been a big FUCK YOU to the bullies. That is not my main goal with this site. That is only part of my goal. I want to make you stronger than you ever dreamed. But that’s the thing again, I’M not doing anything, I just have a website, YOU are masters of your life, your destiny, I just have an interest in believing in you, because only good people hurt, because they care about more than themselves.

You don’t get hurt if you don’t care about human beings.

Feeling the hurt


I’ve been hurt all my life.  I “shouldn’t” have been hurt.

I’ve been hurting since I got away from my abusers.  I “shouldn’t” be hurting, as I am away from them.

When one little thing was said to me that upset me, that I felt ripped me up, I “shouldn’t” have been hurt.

I’m a victim.  I “shouldn’t” be hurt.  In fact, it’s my fault for being hurt.

Only in a truly mad world can the victims not allowed be hurt, be blamed for being hurt, and if anything, the abuse hurt the abusers to do it.  You made them “bring it on” to you.  So most of us don’t really get hurt.

That is such an insane thing.  If anyone should feel hurt, it is those who care about themselves and care about the world around them.  The ones who get brutalized.  If people get hurt, they should feel hurt, right?

It’s quite crazy, someone gets hurt, and they are mocked for being hurt to the extent that being hurt is “weak” of them.  So the hurt still stays, and then they get hurt again, and again, and again.  The hurt is never dealt with.  The hurt isn’t ALLOWED to be dealt with.  Hurting is something you “shouldn’t” do.  You should “toughen up”.  Learn to become an asshole.  Be anything but someone who is hurt.

What a mad world.  Do you know what sucks ass about this kind of attitude, gay bashers are “hurt” that gay people are getting married, racists are “hurt” that black people are getting stronger and stronger, manipulators are “hurt” that their victims figure things out.  Bullies get “hurt” when their victims fight back, or get on with life around them.  When the bullies are “friends”, or “family”, that “hurt” is on the victim.  The victim finds it hard to be HURT because they are aware that by attempting to make their lives better that they are “hurting” their “famliy”, or “friends”. 

I have found out an awful lot of stuff, and in between moments of just not being able to believe that I have started a website, helped people when I have, figured some things out that I never in a million years thought I would ever figure out, about the world around me, about myself, and about how to help others just by pointing them in some kind of semblance of things, I have personally been aware of how “hurt” people would be at me basically finding out how they think, how WRONG they are, how they are just spreading toxic around the place.  Psychopaths get “hurt”.  Narcissists get “hurt”.  Sociopaths get “hurt”.  Bullies get “hurt”. 

Those 4 types of people, they are VERY COMMON, I don’t say this as a person who has been rock bottom, I say this out of severe self questioning (some just because I was always able to be honest with myself, some because I have been made to believe I couldn’t be right about any of this), wanting it to be true that I am a whackjob and the world isn’t really as I see it.  I have been hurt by that.  But I haven’t been able to embrace the hurt.  I haven’t been allowed to hurt.

The world is run by psychopaths.  They create the adverts telling us how to feel or what to be in to.  They promote the music of narcissistic people like Miley Cyrus as “the music to listen to” and keep hidden music such as from this beautiful band I have linked above.  They create “Man Rules”.  They create “Women rules”.  They create insecurities.  They create differences between us, highlighting things in the news that we “should” be arguing over and letting us THINK we all have free will, a mind of our own, a right to opinions of our own, that we are all “good” people.  I would like to see that I have been influenced by people like David Icke, who go on about conspiracies such as this, but no, I haven’t been influenced by anyone, except two things.  1.  Make the world a better place.  Which made me into the town idiot, not causing any drama, having this belief that has always made total sense to me and I have proven through some extreme mind work and problem solving skills that I was RIGHT to think like that.  But I was known as a giant retard for that, just because I thought if people got along we would be alright.  And I must be crazy because I have not only proven it, but my belief is even stronger, it isn’t a belief anymore, it is the truth.  2.  I did it all by myself.  A dash of inspiration here, a dash of inspiration there, questioning every single view as to my results being distorted just so “what I want to be true was true”.  I questioned everything about my insecurities, my inner rage at what I have been through deceiving me, anything that could sway my opinion over to my favour just to suit my point of view, I questioned.  I’m stronger for it, but the ore I went on this journey and found out that I was in the right and most people are actually out of their minds, I have had it in my mind that I would “hurt” people by putting this stuff into action.

Anyway, this isn’t about me, but the point of this site is me writing things because I know I can not only relate to you, I can give you answers as I have found them.  I am hurting a hell of a lot.  But I haven’t ALLOWED myself to hurt.  I’ve been down, I’ve been fucked up, I’ve done all this work, but I haven’t allowed myself to just hurt.  When you are told that “hurting is bad” all of your life, even deconstructing the people who send those messages and finding out why such a thing and all the other positives that were treated as your negatives were right, it isn’t good enough at that.  You can reach conclusions about the world but still not be any closer.  I just realize, I should just hurt for a while.  I haven’t hurt properly, I have been working out all these things in my head and putting thew jigsaw of all life together, and I’ve basically done all the mental work that I’m ever going to have to do, but until I just let myself feel hurt, I’m just going to keep going around in circles.  I have not let myself hurt (properly, not doing anything but hurting) because it has been put into my brain that I shouldn’t be hurting.  With an awareness that my psychotic parents are “hurting”, I have been distracted by the fucking guilt trip.  You can’t hurt properly until you totally hurt.

The good on this planet are told they are bad, the bad on this planet are told that they are good, the bad “hurt”, the good feel like they are bad because they hurt.  Seeing narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths act (that’s the word, ACT) “hurt”, they give hurt a bad name.  They can hurt if they get exposed, or someone has a better job than them, but you can’t hurt by being decimated?  

Most people on this planet that “hurt” are “hurt” because they have SHALLOW PEOPLE PROBLEMS.  They don’t get a fucking thing.  They consist of the stupid, the narcissistic, the sociopathic or the psychotic.  They act “hurt” and guilt trip people, they give “hurt” a bad name, and they throw around the message that HURTING is NEGATIVE.  It’s fucking positive, it’s negative that they a)  made you hurt, b) prevented you from embracing hurt, and c)  ACTING hurt.  

When they ACT, that is a guilt trip.  So they act all hurt, they get all this sympathy, they act “strong”, yet none of them have a fucking clue what it’s like to really hurt.  So when people actually say “IS ANYONE SANE HERE?” they are looked at as fucking idiots.  So instead of hurting, they are fucked in the head with thoughts about all this other shit they never should have had to deal with.  I say this from experience and research.

So just fucking hurt for a while.  Just hurt.  Just embrace the hurt.  You hurt, you aren’t all the fucking insane labels you have been forced to live with, you are just hurt.  Unfortunately, you have to get over the “what could I have done to prevent this/do this differently” kind of stuff.  YOU DIDN’T BRING ON ANY OF THIS.  THEY DID IT.  THEN THEY MADE YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO DESERVE THIS JUST SO THEY WOULDN’T HAVE TO DO ANY THINKING OF THEIR OWN.  And they all “hurt”.  

So just hurt.  At fucking everything.  It’s the biggest solution, biggest it’s how you feel.  You are hurt, and you are ALLOWED to be hurt, because you have been intentionally hurt.  It wasn’t anything you did to deserve this, they made it seem like you did it to yourself, you didn’t.  So, get over all this character assassination, and then hurt when you do.  You have been totally raped as human beings and that is not hyperbole, you have been raped, and all the rapists in your life have said “no you did it”.  All that stuff about the ego, that shows you how insanely biased their minds are, and why you have been up against pure evil.  That stuff can help you understand, but you can find out absolutely everything in your favour and against their favour and be totally sure of that, but until you learn that it is OKAY to hurt, you will just keep running around in circles.


I can’t comfort people or feel sympathy/empathy towards them?

Question:  I can feel sad for myself, yet not other people. I was sexually and physically abused as a child by family members yet when people find out they get more upset by it than I do which makes me feel sick in the stomach, then when people try tell me their problems or want emotional support I can’t give it to them I can’t even fake it, when I do try it makes me sick in the stomach and my face hurt, it’s caused me relationship problems and not to have any close friends, what to do?

Answer:  Well the big thing going on here is that you simply haven’t felt sad enough about yourself yet.  There is a whole lot of trauma that you have to deal with and you CAN absolutely deal with it and when you do you will be an even stronger person than you ever thought you could be in your wildest dreams, but here is one of the big blocks.  Instead of giving yourself empathy you are getting tied up with other things, such as your inability to feel empathy towards other people.  Yes that is major, but you can get there, but you have to concentrate fully on number 1.  There are 2 types of selfishness.  The first is seflishness to other people for your own personal gain, it’s very popular and is so popular that it gives selfishness a bad name.  The other one, and this is important for you, selfishness for your own good.  You see, you haven’t been selfish in the latter way enough yet.  It is getting tied in with other people.  You can’t be selfish for your own good when you are beating yourself up for not being able to be properly available for others yet.  They can all be selfish for their own good, and have surely dabbled in different extremes of being selfish to other people, you have done neither.  Even if you think you have, you haven’t.


A)  Be selfish for your own good.  From now on, as often as you can, when you are alone, I want you to try and be totally self absorbed.  Self absorbed is another thing that has a bad name because people use it to negative extremes, like selfishness for your own good, you are ENITITLED to be self absorbed when you have to be self absorbed.  These people haven’t had to think about as much as you, you go into their world and the reality is you have a totally different world.  If they all went through the same kind of things, they would totally underestand, but out of 10 people there are 9 who have had perfectly normal or very close to normal lives, and there is 1 who has had to deal with a world of problems.  The pressure and the wanting is to fit in with people, and you can in time, but not when you haven’t dealt with your problems the right way.  They are playing with a full house, and you can’t even know for sure what cards you have in your hand. 


This is something you obviously won’t be able to get off of your mind for a while, but try and BE SELFISH.  You can’t feel guilty for talking about what really happened to you, you have to talk about it freely.  Friends are great, but if they don’t get it, they don’t get it.  They should be strong for you, you were the person who went through hell.  But you try and open up about your hell and you come away with more stuff, the hindrance this brings on to others, that is distracting you from the real and only important thing that there is:  YOU.


There are a lot of unanswered questions in your head.  There are probably a lot of questions you know the answer to (you know for example you were sexually and physically abused) but there are too many other things in your head that are buried in your subconscious that cloud everything up.  Makes you feel emotionally retarded.  It’s because there is too much trauma.  The head can’t handle trauma, even little bits.  You have a huge array of trauma in your head, and instead of dealing with it the right way you are dealing with it the wrong way – and you can not blame yourself for that for 1 second, being selfish is “bad”, having problems is “inconvenient”, you should “just get over it”.  We have the solutions right in front of us our entire lives but we are told that all the answers lay elsewhere, love, happiness, people, job etc.  None of those things are going to either help you or make you (or anyone else for that matter, believe it or not) happy, in time they can ADD to happiness, but the first thing that will make you happy and everyone else happy on planet Earth is themselves.  But everyone believes that if you get more and more of these things that this stuff will make you happy – not quite.  This is why I say BE SELFISH.  You can get all of these things, you can show empathy in the future, you can probably show a lot more than the majority (when I say you can recover but be even better than you ever hoped, I mean it), but you can’t give a sh!t about any of that for as long as it takes.  You have to care for yourself, you can feel sad for yourself but you haven’t embraced it enough, you are feeling more sad with what you have dealt with and how you can’t relate to others because of it instead of feeling sad for yourself because YOU feel sad.


You have to be 100% dedicated to you.  Not “who” you appear to be.  Learn to stop caring about how you appear to others, how you interact or don’t interact with others.  Just start caring about who YOU are. 


This is hard.  But I am going to talk about trauma.  Because even though there may be 1000s of problems seemingly, try and keep it simple.  Everything would have been simple if you did not go through all that abuse.  That turned a simple situation into a GIANT OVERBLOWN situation.  And you haven’t dealt with that properly yet, because we should “just get over it”.  That’s what other people do, and though people claim to feel empathy/sympathy, they have a hard time dealing with things THEY CAN’T RELATE TO.  When you go on about your issues, the problem is THAT THEY HURT.  They should realize that YOU hurt.  But you come away with this on your conscience, guilt, either directly implied or just picked up.  Your problems become their problems, and instead of proper empathy, it has the opposite effect, where you have this all on your head making the problems expand even greater.  If they had proper empathy, they would be able to have sympathy FOR YOU, even if they hadn’t been in your shoes, that’s what proper empathy is.  Instead they feel bad about themselves, and that isn’t proper empathy, that just makes you feel like a piece of crap.  So this is an example of how your problems become even greater when you are not dealing with the right people, what has been your problem has now grown into a bunch of other problems that you have caused.  It is very simple, but it just grows and grows and grows and you start to feel guilty for having problems.  DO NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR ANY OF THIS.  YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG.  YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG.  YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. 


Repeat that to yourself as many times as you can.  You didn’t do anything wrong, you know that, but you don’t KNOW it. The implication of abuse comes along with the message “you brought this on yourself”, and the lack of apology makes that message grow more substantial.  You know you didn’t do anything wrong, but that invalidation of reality (the abuse happening, that the abuse happened) from the people who did these terrible things to you, stays in your subconscious. So you know full well you are the good party, but the invalidation carries the message “am I really?” in your subconscious, so when you open up to others, and they get extremely upset, that thought expands to “what did I do that for?”.  Your brain (and everyone elses for that matter) holds all the answers, and it has all the questions too.  But importantly, it has all the answers.  But the inability to deal with the trauma (and you weren’t to know this, I had to scour information and link things together to see how they’d work, no one helped me, except things that inspired me) just keeps it going on in a cycle.


You can have a great life.  That is why I am writing this.  But it’s important to know the solutions, find those questions and find those answers.  So as I was saying, everything gets blown into a million different directions.  The simple fact, and this is THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS, I’m deadly serious, is that you have trauma.  You don’t even have to think about “what is trauma?”.  We know trauma is BAD.  As soon as you say you have it, you know it is bad.  All the other sh!t, it just complicates everything big time, the simple truth and the simple way of looking at things is that you have trauma.  “I have trauma”.  Say that to yourself, as many times as you think you need to, even more than you think you “should”.  You have trauma.  That is the simple thing in all of this stuff.  The goal is to bring everything from being ALL OVER THE PLACE to KEEPING IT SIMPLE.  That’s why relationships with people are difficult, they love to complicate things (it gives the idea of a busy, interesting life), when it should be simple.  When you say “I have been abused”, you should get a blanket thrown around you, it should be ALL ABOUT YOU.  But you say “I have been abused”, and there are these people feeling incredibly upset and that is on your mind and the simple problem is now exploded into different particles all over the place.  That’s why it isn’t good being with certain people, because it’s one thing not “getting it”, it’s another not getting it and feeling like you have been burdened by somebody who has had REAL problems.  So your thinking “why did I do this to them?”, and you didn’t do anything to anyone.  But people don’t get stuff, they don’t have as much empathy as they think they do and make you think they do, empathy is empathizing with someone by getting into their shoes.  You try and talk with people about what you have been through, and they aren’t empathizing with you, they are empathizing with themselves.  And that’s f**cking you up, because you think they are empathizing with you and you think you are just hurting them in return.  So…. TRAUMA…  None of that other sh!t matters, the only thing that matters is trauma.  Start saying “I have trauma”.  Start saying it until it becomes habitual, you have gone through your life not saying that, you have to say it to yourself, or think it to yourself as often as you can, until YOU KNOW.  Remember, you know on some level what the problems are, but you don’t KNOW directly what they are.  All of the problems, you can throw them into one bag and label that bag trauma.  You will unlock things, get clarity on things in due time

Trauma: How does it relate?


Apologies, I have been meaning to do this a LONG TIME ago, I just have not been able to get the time, and distracted with things.  Of all of my posts, THIS is the most important one.  Others have answers, but THIS is the ultimate answer.  This is all that really really matters.

Trauma fills up in your head like a big cloud that inseminates into your brain, so while you do have access to your brain you do not have charge of all, or even most, of the controls.  You have ALL of the answers already locked away inside of you (yes, I’m serious), but the cloud says “no you don’t”.  The cloud is formed because of abuse.  It may have been the time someone called you fat just once.  If you got in shape, you may not even be over it.  You may have been driven to get in shape over the insult, but the trauma is still there.  It drives you to stay in shape, but it doesn’t really go away until you actually deal with how you were wronged in that situation, you could get yourself to be as ripped as Christian Bale is in the Batman movies and the trauma will still be there.  It will have reduced, but it will still be there until you deal with it, by embracing the hurt, how you were WRONGED, by crying for that little kid (if it happened when you were 30, the little kid still needs to cry) and fixing things in your mind to SEE that you were perfect the way you were.  So this is how little, shallow, childhood trauma can still remain.  That isn’t so hard to live with, it doesn’t destroy who people are, but someone may be a wife beater out of many things that have happened to them, and it may all stem from a simple little thing like their inability to be compassionate with themselves from something so little.  So when you have HUGE trauma, over REAL things, you can not get over it so easily.  In fact, it greatly hinders your ability to live a happy life.  Though, this is the message, it may greatly hinder your happiness and potential happiness, but DEALING with it, it can not only show you the pathway to happiness, it can show you the pathway to GREATNESS!  I don’t say this kind of stuff to give you false hope, I wouldn’t be writing about any of it if I didn’t see results in myself, and I didn’t think about how others can benefit.  So the greater the trauma, the greater the opportunity to prove to yourself what real greatness is.  But I don’t want anybody to think about this.  I don’t want this to be your motivation.  I want GETTING BETTER to be your ONLY motivation.  You figure things out, see the truth of stuff along the way, you can’t see so much stuff right now and I will be honest it will be longer than you think, but it will be shorter, alot shorter, than the amount of time you have been living with the overbearing trauma.  You can do this!!!! You were born to do it, and find out what greatness is.  Most people just think they’re great out of some feeling of narcissism, ALL people get great by PROVING to themselves how great they are.  You prove that you are great by taking yourself out of hell, and doing it the only way that matters, by doing it your way.  There are just more of us that have to do it a real long winded way, that’s absolutely agonizing, but it’s our test.  WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF AMAZING THINGS.  I’m only different than most because I want to emphasize this and I want to show you how you go about.  But it’s not about attaining greatness, that is not the goal, it’s just a little nugget you find along the way that blows your mind and is extremely hard to wrap your head around (but TRAUMA is still there, when you think you have done it, you haven’t, until you get rid of trauma, doubt will remain.  When you get rid of doubt, you are dynamite), the goal is “make myself better”.  That is the only goal.  There is no other goal, this is the only thing that matters.  You just get a lot out of it, more than you can envision, that’s the whole point.  Dragging yourself out of hell, that’s greatness right there.


So here’s the meat and veg.  When you get called fat by some arsehole, you can pick up one ball of trauma, but it can range to, let’s say 5 depending on how much the insult hurt.  Someone may in return turn themselves into a brick shithouse and “get over it”, which they will, but that may only remove 3 trauma balls, leaving 2.  So they have 2 trauma balls, not so bad huh?  Not really that good, these two trauma balls can distort thinking, not as severe as most of course, but still distort nonetheless, it can lead the person into situations where they do the wrong thing and as a result pick up more trauma balls, so now they will have more trauma balls (just going to call them t balls from now) than they did at the start.  After all, most of us at one point in our lives has no t balls, though that is open to suggestion, being born is traumatizing in itself, to different extremes (any example I can give will be open to different extremes, so I’ll stop mentioning that because I’m annoying myself with the repetitiveness haha), but that’s for another blog, let’s just keep things simple.  When we are born, we have no t balls.  Absolutely unhurt.  We pick up t balls from then on, it starts in infancy, then you carry on what you have from infancy into childhood, childhood into adolescence, adolescence into teenage life, into young adulthood, into more established adulthood, into the 30’s, the 40’s, 50’s, on and on and on and on.  Most people don’t think like this, they don’t have the time, or the patience, but the lack of patience comes from either the individual ego, lack of understanding regarding patience from the outside, or both.  So people never have the chance to think like this, they don’t even know they can.  There is a myth that humans only use 10% of their brains, who knows what is and what isn’t a myth on this planet, but there is some legs to that theory, we don’t understand our brains, we’re actually deathly afraid of our brains.  But from the moment you start picking up t balls pretty much every one of us deals with them in the same way as everyone else, by “just getting over it”.  That might take away 3 out of 5 t balls, but it leaves you with 2, which guides you into new situations, if it is unrelated to the trauma, you still have 2 t balls that may come into play, but if it is related, say related to the whole scenario of “being fat”, personal fitness is always there, it can grow from 2 t balls and go up to 20, 30, 40, whatever.  You may “just get over it” as you LEARNED to do it before, but you will take those 40 or so t balls with you into other situations, and they can lead to more t balls.


I’m not here to talk about little things like that, that is just a demonstration to show you how little things can turn into bigger things if not confronted properly (the little kid crying) and they generally never are.


All that stuff can become bigger, but this is about the BIG cases of trauma.  The one’s that hinder your entire perception of who you are.  The more likely amount could be 1000, 10000, or 100000 t balls.  This is a real problem.  Most people they don’t have to deal with too many t balls, they have a few, and they are used to “just getting over it”, and that is how their problems get solved.  They still have problems, and feel aggrieved over them (because they are still unresolved, just gotten over the quick way, but not fully) and as they are the majority they think they know what problems are.  They all share their problems with each other, but alot of them are quite shallow.  This guy who was called fat and GOT OVER IT will still carry the attitude from feeling hurt in him (subconsciously), and that is a shallow problem, because it didn’t really cut him as deep as it should have, he got over it by not addressing the problem and how it made the child inside of him feel, he addressed it by addressing it in the shallow way, not dealing with the hurt the problem caused and dealing with the image.  So these 2 t balls, they lead to shallow behaviour, leads him into shallow settings with other shallow people, that all “think” they have real problems, and they have, but since they were able to deal with it so easily (or not so easily) this fills them with a pride, which blinds.  Most people are like this.  So when these people who had 5 t balls and shed the most of them meet someone with 1000 t balls,  they have no sympathy, a person with 1000 t balls could have been fat but never dealt with it the right way, he/she tried to deal with it, but we are told “get over it” as soon as we have stuff to get over.  Some people just don’t want to flip off the world as the solution to their problems, they want to FEEL their problems and deal with their problems, but as the majority deal with them by getting rid of those t balls as soon as they can, the pride at them achieving this blinds them to the feelings of others, they can’t look past that “well, I did it” point of view and people generally share all this.  So, when you have 1000 t balls up in your head, you are getting this crazy information from the persons perspective “what I’d do” that is totally ignorant of what you need to do and feel you should do.  So these people, because they never dealt with those few t balls they had (but “think” they absolutely have), give advice out like candy and while they can relate because they did things the quick way, they didn’t have to deal with an extremely large amount of t balls that was stopping them.  So when these folks give “advice”, it is entirely from their own perspective, it doesn’t take into account that you or anyone else you know may have had to deal with harder stuff, the “advice” comes from the point of view “I did it/They did it/Everyone else can do it” and not taking into account that it isn’t nearly as easy for the person with 1000 t balls than it was for someone with 5 t balls.


So there I go again, dovetailing into something else, I’m glad personally because it makes me understand a bit more, reestablishes the idea I am hoping to be true is that people are humans, but I think you get me.  People with very few t balls who shed enough of them to get over whatever problem(s) they have a very proud of it, as they should be, but they are left with t balls that they never dealt with, and they deal with this by bigging themselves and each other up and getting frustrated when they see people who can’t deal with them so easily, or who wants to deal with them properly.  They get rid of t balls because they give “advice” which makes them feel even more proud of themselves, but they get more t balls because they keep in this shallow loop.  The person with too many t balls to handle just gets more t balls, because the only reflection from others regarding the excessive t balls the person who needs help/friendship with, is that it is a hindrance, selfish, shallow even ironically, all the t balls that remain that say (you DO still have problems you know?) are dealt with the same way that they were dealt with all of those other times, by getting rid of it by the quick fix, since you with the 1000 t balls remind them that they still have work to do, they quickly “get over it”, and launch more t balls at you to deal with, because that “proves” that they are great.  So when you have 1000 t balls and these 2 t balls are launched at you, since they are not yours but are clouded with the implication that “it’s your fault”, these 2 further t balls could turn rapidly to 20/200 t balls down the line.  You are getting your information about “getting over it” by people who didn’t deal with their t balls properly, and they didn’t have much to deal with in the first place either.  The very implication that “you deserve this” just sends it all into chaos.  Shallow people send that message and do that damage, for the reasons I’ve explained above.


I haven’t even gotten started on the meat of it all.  I’m going to write the rest in another post, my mind was just OPENED up so to speak (more trauma has left me that has allowed my mind to open up) and I really feel that I have an explanation for a lot of things there.  I’m going to talk about what I was going to talk about (lol), trauma, how it forms particularly, and how to get rid of it in the next post.

What is trauma and how do we eliminate it?


How to connect your emotions? That’s kind of the answer, you have to connect all of the dots why you feel like the way you feel. You can connect everything, but you have to be willing to ask questions you are afraid to ask of yourself and others, yes, others especially. You are in this state of non flux for a myriad of reasons. Basically all human beings have repressed memories, and those repressed memories take the form of trauma in the head, imagine one bad thing happens and you don’t get the appropriate reaction to the thing that caused that trauma out of either fear or simply because you couldn’t, this thing would cause one little trauma ball to go in your head and will stay there until you get it resolved. But as further instances of trauma happen, these original trauma balls get stuck in the bottom of all of the trauma, as all the little balls JOIN together and keep growing to create one big trauma ball. The bigger the size of the trauma ball, the more foggy everything gets. The more time that has gone by since the trauma happened, it gets buried under the rest of the trauma, imagine it being more in the center of the trauma. The more devastating the trauma was, the more trauma balls are there, let’s say there are 8000 trauma balls in you, and there is one big event in your life that is worth the size of 1000 trauma balls, that would be something that would kind of be on your mind pretty regularly. And the longer trauma is left unresolved, the more that trauma grows. Let me just go back to the example of the trauma that was worth 1000 trauma balls, that could have started at 300, it could have been a pretty devastating experience, but the longer it has gone unresolved and been covered with further trauma, the more it festers inside of you. To use a small example to indicate “potentially” how far this could go back, say you were 5 and someone ripped a root out of your hair, that would be pretty traumatizing. You may have gotten over that whenever, but by the age of 29 you could be uncomfortable with any contact in that spot where that thing happened to you, you may know the reason why but you don’t think of all the trauma associated with that. Trauma from one bad encounter comes along with an assortment of questions such as “why did that person do that?” , “was their apology genuine/why did they not apologize”, “it happened again”, “how do I prevent this from happening again?”, “why did I let this happen?”, etc. These questions bring further more of these imaginary trauma balls, and they are trauma because – you shouldn’t be asking yourself these questions. The abuser should be asking these questions. If something happens and you know that you were the reason it happened 100%, it is very easy to get over the trauma involved with that right away, because YOU KNOW. When unresolved traumas take place it is always because one party abused another party, and it stays unresolved because the party that should be apologizing don’t or if they do they do it very disingenuously, this causes the victim who receives the trauma not to get the appropriate repercussions to the trauma, and thus the victim in the situation is given the sentence, the victim asks themselves all of the questions that the abuser in the situation SHOULD be asking themselves. So instead of trauma getting repaired the natural way, it goes on and on and the victim abuses themselves because of the implication of abuse that the victim “brings it on themselves” gets attached, even before this is roundly agreed as a “fact” of life. Victims never bring it on themselves, they are CHOSEN to be victims, and that stupid little bullshitty trope keeps victims abusing themselves as if they are guilty for what happened to them. None of them are, the only people who are guilty are the abusers, and they are the ones who should be doing the self questioning. So this flimsy repercussion out of every instance of abuse goes unresolved and something that could have been 1 trauma ball can expand into 100 trauma balls brought on by self questioning as to “how this happened” which is created by the implication that the victims made themselves victims. Bullies rule this world with their insane biased thinking, but all bully “facts” can be exploded with logic, which is the thing they hate more than anything on the planet. And the beautiful thing about logic, is that it’s unbiased. So even though you have asked all of these questions, by the time you have worked through a lot of the trauma and start seeing answers, even glimmer of hope answers, you have asked yourself a multitude of times “I think it was me” and even in absolute terms “it was definitely me”. So when you start to uncover things, you will KNOW for a fact that you are 100% in the right, because your logic has been totally unbiased, in fact, there has been a lot more bias, AGAINST YOU, you can start seeing things work out in your favour, and even though you struggle to believe things, you can reflect on the fact that you have been totally fair in all of the conclusions you have come to. You will think you’re “wrong” until you start to see that you are right, you know the bad things that have happened to you already, but each bad thing that happened to you had that implication of “YOU”. It takes a while to get rid of that, but when you do, you know for certain, that you looked at yourself before you looked at anyone else. All these people you will be looking at, their logic is TOTALLY BIASED in their favour, absolutely. Biased logic can not be correct logic, logic can only be unbiased to BE logic.

So, alot of bad trauma in your head that you have to deal with but you will come to know over time wasn’t yours to deal with whatsoever, you will be stronger than anyone who ever made you feel weak because by going through the extent of the trauma they have left you with you get to see how weak they are and how weak they were to deal with their own problems. You have all the time in the world to deal with everything by the way, we are told to PUSH through our problems and “get over it” (another phrase created by bullies, inspired to deter people from lookign at their problems and giving up), imagine the big trauma ball again, it’s too big to push out, it is full of individual bits of trauma so some will slide out and make you feel good initially, but you are only getting out duds, and the effort to push it all out at once is taking it’s toll and adding more trauma, you have to SLIP THE TRAUMA OUT GENTLY, and you do that by being your best friend, having your own back and giving yourself all of the time you need, because out of 100000 (made up figures by the way all these, I can’t see into peoples brains lol) t balls, you may only be able to slip out 2-5 a day. That’s still great, but it’s a hard habit to get used to because you’ve been used to the “just get over it” mantra and trying to just make everything better all of your life, so that’s a hard habit to break.
So everything I say is just information, you might be able to see if I’m onto something, you might think I am absolutely nuts, but you can see the kinds of things I talk about. You can read what I say and it may make sense to you, but until you GET THERE yourself, this stuff won’t make as much sense, if it makes any sense at all.
The rules:
1) BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. You have known who knows how many people in your life and they haven’t talked to you like this. What I am telling you is a concrete solution to all of your problems. No one else is telling you, so YOU tell yourself this stuff. People are afraid of taking a step outside of their comfort zone of what is “acceptable”. This is the solution, but you can’t talk to anyone, they will look at you like you’re insane, just like every other time you have said things “you shouldn’t say”. You are your friend. If you have the fortune to have a decent friend or two, they don’t have a clue as to 0.0000000001% of how you should make yourself feel better. Only you have the answers. This is how you get the answers. And yes, you’ll be alone in this, but it’s better being alone and starting to find yourself (and here’s a clue: Im sure you know them) than being around a crowd of people and feeling alone.
2) IT TAKES AS LONG AS IT TAKES. This is why you be your best friend. Anyone else and even yourself will say “hurry up, you’re taking too long”. You have to say to yourself “No, I know what I’m doing”, be KIND to yourself, you will forget that “it takes as long as it takes” a good few times, you and all of s have habits that we have the time running out, it’s the furthest thing from the truth, we have as much time as we need, and no one else will see the logic in that, that’s their own selfishness, it’s an absolute fact, and time is the solution. You will forget, but then you will remember, and this will eventually happen often enough that you take longer to forget and you are quicker to remember. Be your friend, forgive yourself when you forget, forgive yourself for losing patience, forgive yourself when you feel absolutely fucking lost, keep telling yourself “I have as much time as I need”, don’t set deadlines to hurry up, “like you should”, you don’t have to give yourself any deadlines, you are your most genuine friend and you love yourself, and you have forgotten or never even known that you ever did or could have loved yourself. The whole journey is to find the person you already knew you were, but be an even better, strong version of that person. No one else will help you. Only you can help you, and the odd crazy person on the internet who thinks he can save the world 😛

All I need a new life. I’ve lost everything, and I am breaking into pieces everyday…?

Question:  I need a new life. I’ve lost everything, and I am breaking into pieces. All I need is a new life so I can work hard for and save money to do what matters (To build a completely off-the-grid food-house, shelter & orphanage in India, Africa & the Middle East). Please guide me. I have some savings, enough to travel anywhere in the world. All I ask for is a little guidance away from my life right now. Please help me… Please guide me…. 😦


Answer:  You are going through the storm now Ravin. The reason we go through the storm is so we can come out of it a new person. You are not ready to come out of it yet, you have to find out “why” you are in the storm in the first place. You know what your vision is, and those with vision and especially one beyond their own means can attain and even exceed that vision, but you have to let go of the things that are making that vision such a burden on your shoulders.

There are a few things I need you to know about what are holding you down. Pressure. This is imaginary. You are under extreme pressure, not only of your own accord, if you mention what you want to do to anyone THAT is pressure, the pressure of your vision, the pressure of where you are and what you have been through to bring you to where you are now. Pressure doesn’t really exist. It is CREATED by human beings. You have to get rid of that pressure, because it really isn’t the thing that will help you out. It has already put a hunger in your stomach, you have the desire, but from here on out, pressure isn’t going to help you, it will just hinder you. This is hard, very hard to shake, because pressure comes from every human being. Stop listening to other human beings regarding who you are, and what you’re going to do. All that does is create pressure, and it creates pressure because unfortunately every interaction with humans becomes loaded with pressure. Stress is what you feel from pressure, pressure doesn’t actuall exist. I say this because I can back it up with this: You have as long as it needs to get yourself in order.

There isn’t any rush on things. Life is not short, it is actually very very long. For someone to say such a thing sounds very morbid. But it isn’t, life is short is actually very very morbid, and I’ll explain why. Life is short, which is among a bunch of “inspirational” lingo, inspires you to ust get over it, get off your ar$e, take the initiative, put your problems behind you and live a happy and successful life. This works for people who haven’t had to deal with any real problems, people who have had it easy. Most people have had it easy, people say “everyone has problems” but it isn’t true. People who have had REAL problems, they feel like their lives are totally ruined, crushed, irreparable. They cry out for help, and no one listens, people actually hold it against them and make them feel like they are an egomaniac who is doing something wrong. People who have had REAL problems understand just how fragile people are. We realize that of course lots of people have problems, but that doesn’t mean that you should feel guilty about having problems yourself. We wouldn’t ever hold that kind of stuff against anyone, because that makes people feel like they are terrible for having problems. Most people have “shallow people problems”, they walk around with a negative attitude but “think” they are positive, they are the kinds of people who say that everyone has problems. They don’t have any problems, just a bunch of shallow people problems and some times were there were bigger REAL ones, but not real enough that it ripped them totally apart. If you ever felt ripped apart JUST ONCE, you wouldn’t hinder, but help instead. But anyway, these inspirational messages enlighten the shallow minded, because they don’t have to think about anything beyond themselves, and even having people in their lives, that doesn’t mean they aren’t shallow. Most people are, an overwhelming amount, and they go silent and talk behind peoples backs at the slightest hint of anything that is hurting their “perfect world” i.e. a human in their circle that has REAL problems. These are shallow people problems, when they make problems out of absolutely nothing, and use these problems as an excuse to be all sh!tty, and they are in the majority.

I tell you this not to scare you, but to let you that most people are extremely shallow, and that is negativity because it is ignorant to things outside of their world. I bet people rolled their eyes when you said you wanted to build a shelter and orphanage? Or you fear they would? This is you talking about something REAL, and this constitutes a “shallow people problem”, if you were to succeed in building these things, this would feel like some kind of REAL problem to these people. The fact that you reached your dreams, and maybe exceeded them, this is an issue to them. Of course, they deny this to themselves, they twist things to suit their biased point of view, and would label you a lunatic. These people don’t have any kinds of problems, but I bet they walk around with a swagger and a sense of entitlement. Human beings are entitled to respect and dignity, we aren’t entitled to sh”t on other peoples happiness. Yet everyone does. So this is why I talk about “everyone else”. The reason you go through the storm is to learn how you are not like everyone else, that you are not crazy, that you can not only do the things you want to do but do them even better than you ever thought you could.

We are humans and we can do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING in the whole entire world. Yet instead of encouraging this, we spread bullsh!t, convince ourselves that it isn’t bullsh!t and label things that say otherwise as “bullsh!t”, and we probe this, by attacking the person, and not the idea. Or attacking the idea venomously so we can hurt the person.

So, I believe in you, I will send a link to my blog. I have linked many things together and I know who’s good and who’s bad, and read this when you have a chance. And question everything you read, I think Im 100% accurate but you have different experiences and have to relate those experiences to what I say. But importantly, more importantly than anything, and this isn’t just good for your overall health but this is good for reaching your dreams (you need to love yourself and give yourself belief before you can properly love others and give them belief) – REST!!!!!!!!! Whatever you have to do for money, you have to do that. That is the world we live in, money plays a big role in keeping you secure and safe. We can’t do anything about that. But apart from that, REST. Remember, life isn’t short, it is very very long. I didn’t finish that thought before but life is short is a romantic notion at best, life is not very short, let’s say you are 20, and you live until you are 80, life is short inspires either great action in people but these people are not weighed down by problems, and inspires only these people, it terrorizes people who “should” be better and is entirely the wrong advice, life is as long as it has to be to solve all of your problems and then make life a success. If you are 20, that means you have been alive 7,300 days. If you live until you are 80, that means you have in full 29,200 days to live. This means you have another 21,900 days to fix absolutely everything and make everything exactly how you want it to be – or even better. This is a fact. Life is short inspires pressure more than it inspires victory, for every 1 person who gets victory there are 99 others who succumb and feel mentally and physically exhausted from buying into this. Life is VERY, VERY long. There is no need to rush.

The best way you will actually win is by taking a long stroll, while everyone else runs around in circles never to win a race they will be in all their lives. You can win this race by not even being a part of it, they are racing around in boats that keep on breaking down one after the other, and they hope on the first boat they can find, crashing into each other, trying to impede each other anytime they can, pretending they are “friends” and such, and just turning on each other anytime they think they can get an advantage. They are all racing to the same goal – Personal satisfaction. They will never reach it, because they won’t consider there are other options, they are ignorant to it, they are so ignorant that they “think” they are having a great time, but why be so apathetic? You are in this race as well, but you have different motivations. You are on one boat, then another boat and another with all these people you get to know, and they only have personal satisfaction in mind, and they single you out as “different” because you have far more than personal satisfaction in mind, you think WE CAN ALL WIN.

Everyone else on the boat is single minded, they like to “think” they are all for one and one for all, but they really aren’t, not even really close. When the boat crashes, they kick up a strop and get onto the next one they can find, but you are different – you have been shattered. This is because my friend you aren’t supposed to be on a boat – you are supposed to walk. The long, casual, more often than not lonely walk. But while all these people will be getting more arrogant about how “advanced” they are and blaming each other for crashing the boats, over and over, you will be advancing slowly, but surely, by foot. These people will have gotten so used to jumping on the boat as soon as they get an opportunity that they will never think there is another way. That is your problem, you don’t think there is another way, and it’s not because you are lazy or dumb or anything, it’s jsut you haven’t met anyone who’s told you there’s another way yet. The other way wins, because you get to do a lot of thinking, you get more comfortable with who you are, you learn how much full of crap so many people really are, and you reach your destination, and though it takes longer than you wish, it doesn’t really take that long and it just isn’t fun when you are still in the habit of thinking you should be jumping on one of those boats, “like you should be”, once you get over the habit and get used to this new habit, you can do f*cking anything, even more than you ever dreamed of. But you have to get used to you and being comfortable with you walking, because then you can find the car that is left there for you, and you can just smoothly drive the rest of the way 🙂