Question: Alex: Please help me. Other people even my friends feel free to say anything to me even if it is hurtful because they know I won’t do anything and that I will just laugh. They try to bring me down in front of others and make me look bad and inferior and dumb. They snub and scold me as if they are my parents all the time. I mean, my friends only treat me like that. They are nicer to others but they treat me with disrespect and they control me. The worst is that they do it in a joking kind of way so I can’t really say anything because it looks like a joke but it’s not. It’s their way of controlling me. I am very shy and have a weak, docile personality so I don’t stand up for myself often.
How to stop that? I am sick of it. I just hope that I had a stronger, assertive personality.
I suspect that one of the reasons they snub and control me is because I laugh a lot even when something isn’t funny just by politeness or embarrassment. So they may think that I can take everything they throw me. But it’s not that way. Also I don’t like conflict so I rather ‘flight’ than ‘fight’.
Answer: These people are your “friends”, not your friends. “Friends” are really easy to find, and they say they love you and respect you but they act otherwise and create “weaknesses”. You don’t have weaknesses such as shyness, but they take something that is just you being polite and make it into THIS BIG THING OF YOUR PERSONALITY that defines you in some way, and makes you “different”. You don’t like conflict, and thats cool. Why the need for conflict? Can we not just have civilised discussion and put our ego’s aside? Why the need for conflict, why build up and create conflict? Its ego ****. There isnt anything wrong with you, you dont need to improve, its just their pathetic collective ego projecting on you that you need to “be more like everyone else”. These people aren’t themselves, they were at one time bullied into being “strong” and expect you to affirm to the standard they expect. If you do, great, you’ll enjoy it for a while, but you lose a part of yourself that is hard to get back and you may never get back, and you become shallow and you lose what makes you a special person, and you’ll stay around shallow people all your life. Your “friends”, having a problem with you being who you are and picking on your “weaknesses”, just dont like it because you being the way you are says something about them. It doesn’t, you are not saying “look at me”, you are actually thinking there is something wrong with you, but their ego thinks the way you are acting is an attack on them, and ego lies to you, thats the whole thing about ego, it makes people think “I’m great” and shields them from the truth, and if you continue to follow me, I hope Im making sense to you, the ego of these people lies to them about what they are really feeling and they are ignorant to it all and they are not even aware of their feelings of insecurity and they REALLY BELIEVE that you have insecurities INSTEAD OF THEM. They dont even know you being “shy” is really them being insecure, insecurities are covered up by people who perceive “flaws” such as politeness and make this actual positive human aspect into a negative “flaw”. And the problem is, people like you who aren’t insecure to throw their weight around and “make a name for themselves” spend a great amount of time doubting who they really are because they think they are full of “flaws”. The moment you get rid of your very real strengths of respect for other humans boundaries, accepting of other humans for who they are and you become someone your not thats when you lose. You will be “happy”, but you will also be dumb.
“Ignorance is bliss”. To be ignorant is letting your ego dictate your decisions, your thoughts, your perceptions, your relationships, self awareness. Ego is all about perception of others, self perception etc. Ego is not reality, it is “reality”, ego is perception. Perception is not reality, but “reality”.
Sorry for going into this sorta route, I just think people should know. It’s not you, its them. Unfortunately, ego rules the world. The best thing you can do is not change but get confident that you are in total control of who you are. Don’t get cocky, don’t mention this stuff, but be confident, cause you have control and these people really don’t, despite appearances. You only forget who you are because you think you have to change things about yourself because of a bunch of people who dont even know that their perception is totally formed on their brain saying “SELF DEFENCE. SELF DEFENCE.” – and part of self defense, if I was one of these guys picking you apart for being shy my ego mind (ego mind is the self defense portion of the ego, and the biggest part) would go ALERT! ALERT! and also as part of that ALERT! ALERT! warning it would shield me from the devastating realisation that I am insecure about something. The human mind is a huge thing, listen to your ego it will tell you what you want to hear. The problem when the ego is in control though (and it has at least some amount of control in everyone, until you defeat the ego) is that it wants more and more and more and more. Never satisfied. People have mid life crisis’ because they listen to their ego and then age 50 they realise they arent happy and regret that they did such and such and didnt do this and that.
So mate, know this stuff, but keep quiet about it. just be happy you know it, get some confidence – but don’t get cocky lol. If you get successful it will really drive people mad that you dont flaunt it 😉