Question: Daphne: I’ve been depressed my whole life due to the inconsistency in it. I’ve never had friendships that lasted very long. My relationship with my family members is strain. My childhood, teenage years were horrible. All due to my stupid depression, and now to top it off I’ve developed anxiety issues. I think I have abandonment issues really. I just don’t get why people have never sticked around? It hurts more now that I’m an adult. How can I fix myself to think that it’s ok to be alone?
Answer: I had been depressed since I was a child, lots of people just left me, my parents were a brick wall that fired back bullets if I tried to have that thing known as a conversation with them, I thrashed my values and started drinking and doing drugs in my early 20’s just so I could “be somebody”, which worked for a while until I started to look at who I really was again, I was depressed mostly in my 20’s because as soon as I was trying to be myself (the good person I always was)I was slandered by all my “friends” who think I am ignorant, lazy, etc. when the fact is I have been depressed. People are idiots, and though you may have faults of your own, it really isn’t all about you, alot of it has to do with other people, BIG TIME. But they wont ever admit, because that would be the strong thing to do, but weak for their ego.
You have the right to get out of this, and you never would have gotten into this if you had good people around you. You are a good person, because you are suffering because of how you have been treated. You have a heart, and its broken, but you’re still fighting, despite how “weak” you think that you are. You find your greatest strength when you’ve been through your weakest moments. People who have never helped you, and in fact been disrespectful to you, only know “fake” strength, real strength makes you treat people like PEOPLE. You’ve not been treated like a person, in my experience, neither was I until I became fake like others, then I stupidly (but rationally) assumed that at a certain age it was time to start being a better person, and I was treated as a pariah, when a 2 minute open conversation without any bullshit could have just resolved everything. There is a lot of bullshit around, and people are full of it. You aren’t, but you are dealing with the bullshit because by being a good person and looking at people in your life as PEOPLE, you have been exposed by people who don’t look at people as people, but as accessories for their ego.
It is you as the reason for your depression, but so much of you is tied up in other people, so it’s also them.
It’s a long road, but you have the right (and the power) to make yourself happy. Write down things, and get to the bottom of it. Other people may think thats “crazy”, but they haven’t been in your shoes. They are wrong, because no one can give an opinion unless they are in your shoes, the one’s that ever have do it out of staggering arrogance that masks their total ignorance. There will be up’s and there will be down’s, there will be times when you feel on top of the world and then you will feel you have lost everything that made you feel alive again, but you will get it back because of that fight you had in the first place. You are fighting now, but totally lost. It takes as long as it is going to take, you go at your own pace, there is no target date, the target date is whenever it is going to be done by, it takes as long as it is going to take for you to get alive again. You have been depressed since your childhood, thats a whole lot of collateral (trauma) to deal with, so you just have to ease it out, by going at a snails pace, and slowly finding or rediscovering those things that you loved about yourself that through other peoples actions/negligence/ignorance/disrespect made you bury those beautiful GENUINE personality traits. You are a brilliant mind, and you will be again. You can pm me if you ever want. If you do, I want you to do that thing people are too polite to do, talk about yourself. Because thats the thing, this is yourself, you aren’t being your natural self, it was broken down and thats why you are depressed. You can do this 🙂