This is the ultimate truth of it all, while we are still dealing with all of this collateral, we are still victims. We ARE victims because we didn’t bring any of this on ourselves, and we only have that single little thought in the back of our minds in the first case which has grown because it was made out we “brought it on ourselves” and the continuous denial of all this stuff has made us think (deep down) that we have. It’s all trauma, and it has to go away all bit by bit, but it’s important to know the truth, and I have learned (I did about a year ago, but of course forgot in a sea of destruction) that we can not move on to thinking of ourselves as survivors, even get close to it, until we deal with being victims first. When you are a victim, you just want everything to be “better”. It’s the thing we strive for, the thing we are supposed to get asap, the thing other people tell us we should be doing, “get over it”. Even if it is not directly said, it is implied every time we open up about something that people have decided has been dealt with, that we should be over. “Get over it” does not make sense. It is impossible to just get over it, you can push things away and deal with them later, and I certainly did that in my past, but alot of my reason was me feeling inadequate for not just “getting over it”. The world is kept in line via psychological abuse, and “just get over it” is one of the biggest ways that we are kept in line. For those who have suffered REAL abuse, it is a lot harder to get over than say not getting what you wanted out of something. Unfortunately people don’t know or can empathize with real pain until they have experienced it themselves, it’s because people are deathly afraid of what they don’t understand. I bring other people into it because how can I not? Peoples failure to not understand is rational, but people failure to not WANT to understand is something that is so hard to deal with. We are social beings, and the best of us care the most about real relationships, while so many are content in being shallow. They strive for it. And of course, none of them “think” they’re shallow, if anything, they “think” YOU are shallow. So there is so much to deal with, abusers get away with things in this society of ours and hide behind absolutely everything they could possible hide behind and victims are BLAMED for their inability to “get over it”, and everything that happens to them, they “brought on themselves”.
Anyway, got off track, there, just point is there is so much to get over, that you cannot just magically get over it. But we all want to, for personal reasons but those personal reasons are distorted because of an awareness we all have of what we “should” be doing. We are victims, and the world doesn’t want to understand a victim collectively or individually, because the world will POTENTIALLY question “am I really as great as I think I am?” I know so much of my “shame” at being a victim came from all the times that I was told to stop playing the victim (when I really was), and the amount of times my parents played the victim with me, morphing me into something that thought it was the biggest piece of shit in the world.
All the abusers THINK they are the victims. And they are ADAMANT about it. So you have the knowledge as well that you are the abuser apparently, and this person is the victim. You all know damn well what the truth is, but that doubt has been festering for years, and we spend so damn long and find out things to provingly back up what we know is true, and we still get stuck. And with society treating victims like murderers, it makes a lot of us think we are. The amount of people I help online that think they should kill themselves and I ask them what they have done wrong, and they have done nothing wrong, most innocent people on Earth. Just got into a cesspool of crap because they didn’t abuse back. Or they had a conscience. Or both. The abusers themselves made you victims as well but society out there has made you think you AREN’T victims. We have all been told directly, or just been aware of how often this is said, that other people have it worse. THAT right there is a psychological abusive technique, a real golden one. It is said to make you feel GUILTY about caring about yourself, guilt trippy. You may have said it to others, I certainly have (when people were complaining about shit like having a car that wasn’t what they wanted), but it is designed as a guilt trip. OF COURSE other people have it worse. This is a big ass world with a lot of people. However, the idea put into your head that you think you are the biggest sufferer in the world just backs up the ideal of “get over it”. You should push your problems aside, and join everyone else. You can not put your problems aside, when your soul has been drawn out of you and stamped on the ground while other people dance on it, you HAVE TO put yourself first. And that is what people don’t understand, or WANT to understand. This really quote from George Carlin applies directly to America but can be said for most people around the world, “it’s called the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it”. People sleep, very few are actually awake, and I have felt guilty as hell for finding out and uncovering so much of this stuff, but it’s totally true. Alot of abusers are totally in denial of being abusers, and hang around other abusers and will use them until they outlive their value. And none of them “think” they are abusers. They all think they’re good people, and you having problems, daring to say they aren’t, they can’t have that. Unfortunately the non abusers out there easily get fooled by people having it all together, and fooled into thinking people who are victims are “playing victim”. So no one here is playing victim, if you were playing victim, you would have one or many victims around the world and be sipping martini’s feeling like a king/queen. So stop thinking you’re playing victim. You ARE a victim. And you can’t be a survivor while you rush off of this too soon because you should “just get over it”. Takes as much time as it is going to take, that’s the only rule about it that is true. I hate feeling like I am preaching, it is such a common quality of psychopaths. I’ll get over that, if I was a psycho I never would have had a conscious thought about anything beyond my world. And I would be slapping my da on the back and be exactly like him, having a grudge against gay people, black people, thinking I’m better than women because of some manly bullshit etc.
Anyway phew, I just have a need to speak the truth to people about things, because it has been hidden from us all our lives.
Can’t be a survivor until you are a victim first. So stop feeling ashamed of being victims, you are, and you didn’t “bring it on yourselves”. That is a defense tactic that every bully in the world believes in, because it suits their point of view.