It’s all very well saying “no”, but the people who answer don’t know what it is like to be a victim. I gave this answer, along with a bunch of other answerers who gave some GREAT insight, such as “no”, “no, I respect myself too much”, “no, why would you think that?” – Give you a look into the mindset of these answerers. 1st. No help, invalidating the entire DEEP TRUTH of the question, 2nd: No help, but an opportunity for the answerer to feel an air of superiority and sniff their own farts in the process as well, and 3rd: The rest of the answer was helpful, but the tone was “you need help”. This is most of the “helpful” answers on the internet, or in real life, stating the plainly obvious when all you people asking questions are just looking for solutions. There are solutions, people just aren’t making any effort to help each other, strangers or even close ones, and when they do “think” they are the truth is that each and every one of you are just feeling like you are even more lost. So that’s why this site is here. I don’t know everything, but I pay attention to everything, before I write anything publically, I make sure it is right and I make sure that this is not my bias talking about these things. This is all so obvious, it is really all a deep rooted psychological problem with humans that causes bad things to happen and causes them to not get resolved. I know this, so I can either take the world as my own or I can do that thing I went through all the pain I have for, I can stick the path of trying to make the world a better place. If I can do it for some individual in Timbucktoo, even so slightly that it helps them look at things from another perspective, and never even know about it, I’ll be doing my job. I’m not doing it because God “tells me” either, I’m doing it because it’s right. I hate going on about myself especially in an answer but I wouldn’t be where I am today and be thinking with certain that I am doing the right things if I didn’t trail off into my thoughts. We are not supposed to use our brains on this planet, you follow the flock, you will get on well. If you have a problem with anything they do, you become a victim, and you always “bring it on yourself”. Anyway, back to the answer.
When you are a victim, your first instinct is to fight back.But victims, they become victims because they learn not to fight back.Because the abusers all have the same sick train of thought “don’t resist”. It’s all very well for most people, they don’t have to put up with anything as bad as being a victim, but abuse victims, they are told either directly or subconsciously “you deserve this”, “you brought this on yourself”, and the abuse continues more that they resist. Victims learn NOT to resist. It is safer for them if they don’t resist. It really isn’t, but it prevents any more attacks that they have to apologize for “bringing on themselves”.This subconscious subtext to all abuse, makes the victim THINK they deserve to be used and abused. And unfortunately, the general population, just like they are ignorant to depression, are ignorant to abuse victims. In fact, they think that abuse victims are just looking for attention. They think they are looking for attention out of neediness, the truth is they are looking for attention out of necessity. Nobody believe abuse victims, they reinforce the idea that “they deserve it”. The act of abuse that goes on constantly makes the victims think they deserve it, and when the best thing that people who have been so fortunate to not be in the shoes of someone less lucky say is “get some help”, though true, it carries the implication that the victim is crazy. Every time the victims stands up for themselves, they are told that they are crazy for doing it, they learn not to stand up for themselves. They learn to think they are crazy. They learn to think they deserve whats happening to them. If they dare fight for themselves, they are made to regret it, and after every time they stand up for themselves, only to get knocked down again and having to APOLOGIZE for standing up for themselves, they lose more and more of who they really think they are. With people in the world around them not helping, it just makes them think “maybe I do deserve it” until they start thinking “I do deserve this”.
The goal of psychological abuse is to make the victim question his/her own sanity while the abuser is able to make themselves out to be the victim. Gaslighting, manipulation, guilt tripping, are some of the more subtle abuse tactics, which keep the victim in line and up against it, and questioning their very sanity. If the victims stand up for themselves, they are met with all of these tactics, and if these don’t work, they are subject to RAGE, which is what they all fear more than anything else, because the RAGE happening implies they deserve it, and the attack received takes it out of them, never mind standing up to the RAGE attack. Abusers always win. Victims never do. And that is going to be the way it is, until the victim “stops resisting” and gives in.
If the victim fights back, stands up for themselves, makes a complaint to the police, even asks friends, they appear mentally disheveled and not at the races, what they say “sounds” ludicrous, they have already “proven” what they are like by appearing distant, different, negative in the recent time period. People are stupid. For not looking at who the person was in the past, and not seeing past what they have been like recently, which has been a person (and ‘recently’ could be a number of years) under the cloud of abuse. People are only as good as their current reputation, and that is just sad, friends turn out to be “friends” who make the abuse much more severe than it has to be. The denial of the reality the victim is facing. They already have had their reality shaped/distorted/ruined by the abuser(s) in their lives, and the outside world takes the side of the abuser. They take the side of the abuser, because the victim looks a mess, mentally and often physically as well, and the abuser, the abuser appears charming, in good shape, mentally capable, social, friendly, and if the victim finally exposes what has been going on, and it is usually done with desperation (because they are in a desperate state), the abuser pleads ignorance, fakes “concern” for the victim, acts surprised/hurt/shocked by these allegations, tells tales about how hard it has been dealing with all of the stuff that has been going on lately, that last one, the abuser “plays the victim”, they have already become EXPERT at this while they have been abusing the real victim, one of the greatest techniques to use against a victim who is fighting back is to act the victim, and distort the relationship from victim to abuse to opposite levels.
This is a dark dark society, which rewards abusers, and holds victims being victims AGAINST THEMSELVES. Ignorance is bliss though. I don’t know if this is deeply personal to you or you just have curiosities, but this is the truth, the truth hurts, this is people who have no interest in stepping into your shoes, but lies hurt even more, victims having to live under the knowledge that they “bring things on themselves” is insanity, and they are told it is all their fault. It’s not your fault, not at all. Nowhere near your fault. I don’t mean to sound myopic, but this is life and there is a lot to it. The reasons I am doing this blog is not to make people feel despair, I want everyone to win, and I believe that we can all win here, and look back and laugh at these abusers who can not even admit in their most private moments to themselves that they have been abusers. There are strong people and weak people all over the planet, and the weakest have played a trick on the strong that it is them that are weak. The strong only fell for it because the strong never thinks of people being “weak”, they look at themselves before they look at anyone else. I am only looking at everyone else now, and I know I’m right to.