Hi People,

 

I’m just going to be changing things up a little bit.  I hope to still get some questions (I know how scary it is to put yourself up there, but it is also brave, this is your life, do whatever the hell you have to do to get it together), but I’m going to be like most other bloggers, I’m going to use this as a vehicle for my own thoughts on things.  Luckily for you, aside from the crap I have been through in my life, alot of the reason it has been so hard is because I have always had a “why can’t everyone get along?” point of view.  This isn’t a popular point of view to have, in a world where people primarily think “what about me” I thought “what about us”.  Thinking like this has been “wrong”, but I’ve been spending the last year working hard at proving it is right to think like this.  Believe me, I thought it was VERY VERY WRONG.  I just wish I could have been an asshole, it was “wrong” of me not to be an asshole.  So I had a lot of stuff to get over myself, especially the “too nice” thing.  I’m just nice, simple.  Simple is also stupid, don’t you know?  Simple is genius, complicated is stupid.  Simple things being made complicated (bullies take a very simple thing like you liking yourself and make that into a big complicated thing where you DON’T like yourself) is the reason the world is in a mess, and why people get into a mess.  If you can’t handle it, you’re “weak”.  No one is weak, except those who try to make people feel weak.  And it just so turns out the majority of the world likes to do that to each other.  So something I like to say to people, you are just YOU.  Because it’s the truth.  But people warp each other into a million different things, and if you don’t join the gravy train, if you don’t “man up” and give up, people will warp you into whatever they like.  And if you do “man up” (or “woman up”) and you have met your purpose in various relationships, you will be warped again.  And it only hurts the people the most who wouldn’t warp anyone, or see how anyone would ever want to do such a thing.  Anyway, I’m going to be writing more freely from now on, I have a lot of things to say and my “what about us” point of view has made me think about the world, not just myself.  If I thought about myself exclusively, who knows where I would be, I would no doubt be incredibly shallow, I wouldn’t be writing something like this.  I always used to wish I could turn back time.  Not now, I am happy for what I have been through, NOT HAPPY for what happened, but happy for what I have learned, and happy that I am now proud to have morals, instead of hiding them and opening myself up for attack when I made them visible.  It is OKAY to be a good person.  I have had to discover why it isn’t okay to be a good person, and boy have I opened a can of worms, and I feel I have closed it.  Well, that is what I am going to try and get across, because all this bullying stuff is someone or some people that opened a can of worms and has made you all go through it and left you with all responsibilty, even for opening it, when you clearly didn’t.  I am going to try and keep things concise, and make every post abit different anyway.  I can share the “knowledge” I have acquired better when I shoot from the hip as opposed to sticking to a question.

Secondly, I CURSE alot.  These are only words, but why think like me?  I find it is good going FUUUUUUCK with regards to alot of this stuff, because we all have every right to be angry about it, anger is an important emotion, you shouldn’t unleash your anger on people who don’t deserve it, but you should get that anger out of you anyway you can, including cursing as much as humanly possible lol.  Sometimes.  When any bad thing or series of things happen to you, no matter how nice you are, you do naturally get angry.  You have got to release most of that anger (over time), because that anger, like every other repressed emotion, kills you inside, and anger is something you feel over bullying because you are being INVALIDATED AS A HUMAN BEING.  That is how bullying makes you feel, it makes you feel like you are not worthy of BASIC HUMAN RESPECT.  You feel angry about that, but alot of the time that anger goes inwards.  You keep it in you.  And then you go numb from it being in you, you think it isn’t there, and if it does come out, you think you’re going nuts.  So this started about cursing, I won’t curse anymore unless I feel it is really necessary, but the truth is I curse because it releases anger in little little pieces that NEEDS to get out, and I encourage you to do it.  It can make you feel bitter, but the anger needs to get out.  If not cursing, punch some pillows.  Scream into a pillow (hold it tight and no one will hear).  You have to get out that emotion that is crushing you, it is crushing you because you where never allowed to express it, either because you just weren’t, or because you took things personally instead of getting even.  I was certainly the latter, and the anger I denied having manifested itself and stopped me dead, it stayed within me, and I blamed myself for everything that happened to me.  It is not all you, sometimes it is not you at all, but when there are other factors at play, and you direct all that anger inward, you are doing it wrong.  Anyway, i can go on about this another time, point is, no more cursing 😉

 

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