Alot of the good people in the world (including the not so good), get stuck at the “why?” question, about why people are so crappy to each other, why things are so hard, why people turn on them, why why why why why?  Most people just get on with it the best way they can.  Most people who get on with it, they have stuff happening, but it doesn’t ruin their life.  Alot of people have stuff happening to them, and it does ruin their life.  And if you’re like me, you were just nice to everyone and you got pidgeonholed as someone who stood out, but it’s always becomes bad if it isn’t at first, it can be quite maddening.  The world is full of crappy people for a reason.  Crappy people.  But people never look much further than that.  Because you aren’t “supposed” to look any further.  The big thing that was holding me back all of my life was the resistance I had to be an asshole, I could have “accepted” everything the way it was, been an asshole, and forget about it all by letting someone else think about it, but that really defeated my core purposes of not wanting to hurt anybody.  So until I started learning about these techniques, I couldn’t start questioning these techniques.  Until I started questioning these techniques, I wouldn’t be able to look a bit deeper into these techniques.  And yes, every single thing I learned, every single thing, I questioned “Is it me?”  Because obviously, I was the only person I knew really struggling with life.  It was some fucked up thing about me, obviously not the world around me.  I’ve just realized that alot of what I do, the way I try to help people, is because I have never been allowed to be selfish in my life.  Not once, if I did anything for myself, or was even just happy, my abusers would go crazy at me for being so selfish.  So this is the reason I want to help everyone, as a kind of retribution of some kind.  But with this mindset, I am still suffering from the manipulation.  Putting the entire world before me.  But thing is, through all this absolute hell, I have learned a lot of things, and I am going to continue getting better, trying to help other people HELP THEMSELVES get better, and by continuing on, I am only doing good.  You don’t have to learn as much as me, I just had to learn so much because of the severity of the abuse entwined with wanting to make this place right, but I a putting stuff out there.  KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE.  I assure you, it is.  I would never use these tactics against anyone, but the thing here is this:  Next time (and abusers are all over the world, they aren’t all, or nearly, as “good” as they think they are, madly in love with themselves is their biggest problem) I am met with tactics of any type, I am SHIELDED by knowing alot of these things.  And I know if I can be shielded, all you guys can as well.  Don’t sink down to their level, I don’t think any of you will, you just want the madness to end.  And a good way of making the madness end, is understanding the madness.  Understanding IT ISN’T YOU.  That is a weight off of your mind.  IT ISN’T YOU.  It’s all well me saying these things, understanding them, that is when things start to ‘click’.  And it takes a lot longer to click than you think.  You have a lot of trauma crap to get over.  I recommend you get over that first, by pure rest, but I know how it is, you spend your whole life or part of it just wishing everything would be sorted, and you can get obsessed with all of that, and sometimes you think “that’s it” and you let yourself get into a false sense of security, thinking you’ve finally done it.  But it is much deeper than you think, all of this, life itself, and you are no difference.  The only problem is you see and feel what is gravely wrong and you hurt from it, while alot of others are content the way it is.  And you should be “more like them”.  You should be like YOU.  You care about more than stupid shit, you care about real humanity, you’ve just likely been told you have no idea.  Life is a big thing, the simple minded dominate the planet and tell you that you don’t see what you see, don’t feel how you “should” be feeling, don’t act like you “should” be acting, the one’s who do what they “should” the best, they are the most accepted.  And you will be outcasts until you learn “about life”.  These people know about “life” – the thing that is a game, they have no interest in learning about life, will learn about life grudgingly, and have a problem with anyone learning about life, by telling them they should know about “life” instead. 

We have one chance at life.  Unfortunately the world is ruled by people who think it is all a game, and compete with each other all of their lives and deceive good people who don’t want to play that game.  Or don’t play it well enough.  Everything can be proven, and I am not going to keep what I have learned to myself, despite the idea that I should be selfish with this info.  I have found an awful lot about the world, and if I keep it all selfishly to myself, instead of people whose shoes I have been in and if I haven’t been in those particular shoes, I can empathize with, I am just as selfish as the rest of them.  I have not turned my life around yet, but it is a daily procedure.  I will get there, and I will do the best to change the world.  I will change my world, and I will try and help YOU change your world.  There is too much apathy in this place.  I thought I was going crazy, and now I know who is crazy.  We can make this world better.  But we have to start with ourselves.  We are the most important people in our worlds, it only sounds so damn self absorbed because self absorbed people make it look that way, and would accuse you right away should you ever make a stand.  They think they are the most important people in their worlds, and more power to them, but to be the most important people in their worlds they have to live through a facade and leave broken hearts and souls on their way to “glory”.  We don’t need to do that, because we are better times a million.  Know your enemy.  They are only your enemy because they decided you were their enemy first.  That is why they are weak.  Paranoid, think they need to attack before they get attacked.  And they transfer that paranoia over to people who weren’t paranoid in the first place.  Every damn thing you fear about yourselves was transferred over to you by other people.  Every single thing.  You know your true faults.  You are distressed because you are dealing with faults that aren’t yours.  You take back your world, and you do it the right way, by KNOWING you are better than them.  Know their tactics, but don’t use them, and be aware of them.  If they don’t know you know how pathetic, weak, they really are (whoever these people are), you’ve got em!  Knowing is half the battle, and the other half is recovery from everything you’ve been through.  And that is through rest.  Pure rest.

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