What a question eh?
What did you want to be most when you were a kid? A superhero? Pilot? Lawyer? Actor? You might have become one of these things (except the superhero) or any other idea/fantasy career you wanted, but life doesn’t pan out the way you want, except for the extremely lucky (a legendary Thespian actor like Anthony Hopkins humble admits that he is lucky to be who he is, Kanye West “thinks” he’s God, the truth is with a lot of hard work, they are just really lucky), most of us have to deal with real life, where we are just our normal selves. We accept it, we don’t have a choice. But alot of these dreams, they were attainable. As soon as you were told that you could not be who you wanted to be, THAT was the first time you were bullied, at least in a significant human shaping way. If you were not going to cut it as an actor for example, that would just be the way it worked out, or had the talent, fair enough (though, hard work can make up for natural talent), but the idea that you “just couldn’t” is very very obtuse and hurt who you were/are. We can not all be millionaires, but if we have dreams big enough, we should be allowed to at least give it a shot. We are beaten out of alot of this stuff, either by “life coaches”, parents, schools, or people who deride you for having something you are passionate with love for. Maybe anyone who reads this never had any interest and that’s okay, but if your dream as a kid was to be an accountant even, and for whatever reason you were deterred all the way, that isn’t right. the things you love are a part of who you are, and unless you are very lucky, and have a strong support system around you, these “dreams” are never allowed to breathe creatively.
We’re not all Rembrandt, but we all could be.
But here we are, living our lives. I hope people are as happy as they can be, but there is a lot of excess stuff that goes with “accepted” jobs. Pressure namely. I’m not just talking about jobs, I’m talking about the pressure that made you give up these dreams if you ever had them, the pressure that made you a victim of abuse or the pressure that even made you join in with the abuse.
Even people who join in with the abuse, if they are uneasy with it, they are victims too, though on a smaller scale, they usually get over NOT being the abused one pretty quick, when they realize that what they are doing is “okay”, especially if they are standing in the background and can look like they are “not involved”. A very popular type of bully. The reason ego is powered in the first place is ignorance, if you have an ego, it makes you thirst for power, and the best way to get power, is take someone elses power, the ignorant ego provides you with the clear headedness and justification (if needed) to take someone elses power. The people who stand in the background and couldn’t have played any part in the bullying because “they weren’t involved”, they are involved, because their ego allows them to be ignorant. And after a while, allows them to see hazing of someone as “fun”, and the more comfortable it is, they “don’t see it”.
The above, just dovetailed out there and my brain was clicking. Just have to mention the way bullies think as much as possible, so you can all see how delusional they really are.
There was even pressure when you had a teacher who had it in for you for absolutely no reason. The quoted paragraph above, you were pressured into joining bullying or pressured by bullying. And the big one, you have been pressured by nobody SEEING the bullying. If no one SEES the bullying, the implication is that you must be imagining it. So that is why this ego stuff, you don’t have to learn it, but know a little about it, is important, because you get to know WHO is DELUSIONAL here. So anyway, pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure. the whole world revolves around pressure.
When you are a kid, you have to think about college. When you are in college, you have to think about your future career. When you are in your career, you have to think about how you are going to get ahead in your career. When you get ahead in your career, you have to think about how you are going to get even further ahead in your career. When are you going to get married? When are you going to have kids? When are you going to have more kids? You are 22 years old, why are you not more mature? You are 44 years old, why are you not further in your life? Why do you not drive? Why do you not have a better car? Why don’t you have a better job?
This is not just exclusive to childhood/adolescence/teenagehood. This goes on FOREVER. There is always someone to impress, and if you are not impressing enough people, you really should be changing yourself into someone who is going to impress alot of people. If you are not impressing anyone? God, that is “horrible”. If you are rock bottom? You did it all yourself. There are alot of assholes who hit rock bottom who get everything they deserve but unfortunately the fact that these people are so widespread gives off an “entitlement” attitude. So when these people hit rock bottom, it is their own fault (mostly, I’m talking about the really really arrogant people here). When poor innocent victims hit rock bottom (and this can happen as a little child), they are given the same treatment, it is their own fault.
What? A 9 year old kid is struggling with a bunch of problems because of his/her upbringing and all the problems are placed on them? Okay then……
What? A 33 year old software engineer was screwed out of a job he/she did very well and thrown in the trash more or less, and it’s their fault? Okay then……..
There are excuses for every single act of bullying in the world and it is all very professional. It is excused as children because “these are children”. It is excused in the workplace because “this is work”. It is excused in adult relationships because…… reasons…. There is an excuse that every abuser hides behind and every single reason they did it no matter what format they are in is “because you made them do it”. That is the way they see it, that is the way they will communicate it, a great excuse is “you’re not tough enough”. But really, EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK is fair game. It is always the victims fault. That is the way bullies as children see it, it becomes a true art form when people become adults. And 90 something % of the people in the world probably buy into it all. The more people that buy into something, the more “proof” that it is the truth.
So the whole concept of “who am I going to be?” can be something you know as a child even but is warped into a million different directions until you settle on something and more often than not totally buy into the feeling that you are going to love what you do. We can not all do dream jobs, but the majority of people who work in whatever fields they do completely stumble into them, even if they are totally into it, they realize eventually that what they are doing is not what they want to do at all. Most of the people in the world realize this during their mid life crisis. They are so busy putting off depression by filling the void in their lives with cars, husbands/wives, children, social status updates, money, etc. etc. that they reach 45-50 and they think “WHAT???” People are led into an abyss and the best way to live in the abyss is by living in denial and picking targets whenever you need to let off some steam, get rid of insecurity. Most people that pick these targets, the ones who go to sleep every night “knowing” that they “never” bullied anyone, think that because as someone or some people were being bullied they stood in the background and let it all happen.
So, what are you going to be? Are you going to listen to the opinions of a bunch of delusional idiots? You could be doing a job right now that you love but are stuck in it because “that’s life”. The truth is you DO NOT HAVE to be anything. Just you. The victims of bullying, you need to know this the most, because while everyone is bullied as soon as they feel any kind of social pressure to be a certain person or to go a certain direction in their life the one’s who are bullied the most are the people who have their soul stripped away from them and have little sense of who they are, but they suffer because they know deep down they have been wronged, and are scared. REAL victims, have their soul stripped away from them, most people get to keep the fundamentals that will keep them going, REAL victims have been stripped of most of their soul, and weep because they have been convinced they don’t have a soul and everything was “their fault” for “not fighting back”. You can all do this.
What are you going to be? Nothing you have to “be”.
The only thing that you are going to be is yourself, not superhero John, accountant John, actor john, salesman John, garbage man John, History teacher John, Coffee Shop worker John, JUST….. JOHN.
If your name is Ralph, you are JUST….. RALPH.
If your name is Rebecca, you are JUST….. REBECCA.
If your name is Carlos, you are JUST…. Carlos.
If your name is Madeleine, you are JUST….. Madeleine.
You are only you. That is all you are going to be. That is all you should strive for. Anyone who is defining themselves by the executive administrator of Logistical Analysis job that they have, they are not being themselves. They are proud of it all, but they are not being themselves. So the nuggets of wisdom they have about themselves, not much wisdom there folks. When the job loses it’s lustre it will just be something they do, and they won’t like the new colleague that is hired because he doesn’t like people with big eyebrows or something. You know, smart kind of reasons to dislike people. have a preoccupying disinterest of this person from then on to fill up the time, so you don’t have to think “who am I?”. It’s far easier to think “who is this person, and why are they doing that thing that they really aren’t doing?” It is so much easier to point the finger at everyone folks, everybody does it, and it hurts GENUINE victims of abuse/bullying the most, because all the people who point the finger “live” by the mantra that you are responsible for everything that happens to you, yet point the finger at someone with big eyebrows and doesn’t see how this person should have a problem with it.
Anyway, just be yourself. Don’t listen to the sheep who don’t like someone not doing something they would do. Just be yourself. And yes, I know you are very very likely not yourselves, well, find yourself… and then be yourself. Everyone says “be yourself”. Most people aren’t.