Apologies, I have been meaning to do this a LONG TIME ago, I just have not been able to get the time, and distracted with things. Of all of my posts, THIS is the most important one. Others have answers, but THIS is the ultimate answer. This is all that really really matters.
Trauma fills up in your head like a big cloud that inseminates into your brain, so while you do have access to your brain you do not have charge of all, or even most, of the controls. You have ALL of the answers already locked away inside of you (yes, I’m serious), but the cloud says “no you don’t”. The cloud is formed because of abuse. It may have been the time someone called you fat just once. If you got in shape, you may not even be over it. You may have been driven to get in shape over the insult, but the trauma is still there. It drives you to stay in shape, but it doesn’t really go away until you actually deal with how you were wronged in that situation, you could get yourself to be as ripped as Christian Bale is in the Batman movies and the trauma will still be there. It will have reduced, but it will still be there until you deal with it, by embracing the hurt, how you were WRONGED, by crying for that little kid (if it happened when you were 30, the little kid still needs to cry) and fixing things in your mind to SEE that you were perfect the way you were. So this is how little, shallow, childhood trauma can still remain. That isn’t so hard to live with, it doesn’t destroy who people are, but someone may be a wife beater out of many things that have happened to them, and it may all stem from a simple little thing like their inability to be compassionate with themselves from something so little. So when you have HUGE trauma, over REAL things, you can not get over it so easily. In fact, it greatly hinders your ability to live a happy life. Though, this is the message, it may greatly hinder your happiness and potential happiness, but DEALING with it, it can not only show you the pathway to happiness, it can show you the pathway to GREATNESS! I don’t say this kind of stuff to give you false hope, I wouldn’t be writing about any of it if I didn’t see results in myself, and I didn’t think about how others can benefit. So the greater the trauma, the greater the opportunity to prove to yourself what real greatness is. But I don’t want anybody to think about this. I don’t want this to be your motivation. I want GETTING BETTER to be your ONLY motivation. You figure things out, see the truth of stuff along the way, you can’t see so much stuff right now and I will be honest it will be longer than you think, but it will be shorter, alot shorter, than the amount of time you have been living with the overbearing trauma. You can do this!!!! You were born to do it, and find out what greatness is. Most people just think they’re great out of some feeling of narcissism, ALL people get great by PROVING to themselves how great they are. You prove that you are great by taking yourself out of hell, and doing it the only way that matters, by doing it your way. There are just more of us that have to do it a real long winded way, that’s absolutely agonizing, but it’s our test. WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF AMAZING THINGS. I’m only different than most because I want to emphasize this and I want to show you how you go about. But it’s not about attaining greatness, that is not the goal, it’s just a little nugget you find along the way that blows your mind and is extremely hard to wrap your head around (but TRAUMA is still there, when you think you have done it, you haven’t, until you get rid of trauma, doubt will remain. When you get rid of doubt, you are dynamite), the goal is “make myself better”. That is the only goal. There is no other goal, this is the only thing that matters. You just get a lot out of it, more than you can envision, that’s the whole point. Dragging yourself out of hell, that’s greatness right there.
So here’s the meat and veg. When you get called fat by some arsehole, you can pick up one ball of trauma, but it can range to, let’s say 5 depending on how much the insult hurt. Someone may in return turn themselves into a brick shithouse and “get over it”, which they will, but that may only remove 3 trauma balls, leaving 2. So they have 2 trauma balls, not so bad huh? Not really that good, these two trauma balls can distort thinking, not as severe as most of course, but still distort nonetheless, it can lead the person into situations where they do the wrong thing and as a result pick up more trauma balls, so now they will have more trauma balls (just going to call them t balls from now) than they did at the start. After all, most of us at one point in our lives has no t balls, though that is open to suggestion, being born is traumatizing in itself, to different extremes (any example I can give will be open to different extremes, so I’ll stop mentioning that because I’m annoying myself with the repetitiveness haha), but that’s for another blog, let’s just keep things simple. When we are born, we have no t balls. Absolutely unhurt. We pick up t balls from then on, it starts in infancy, then you carry on what you have from infancy into childhood, childhood into adolescence, adolescence into teenage life, into young adulthood, into more established adulthood, into the 30’s, the 40’s, 50’s, on and on and on and on. Most people don’t think like this, they don’t have the time, or the patience, but the lack of patience comes from either the individual ego, lack of understanding regarding patience from the outside, or both. So people never have the chance to think like this, they don’t even know they can. There is a myth that humans only use 10% of their brains, who knows what is and what isn’t a myth on this planet, but there is some legs to that theory, we don’t understand our brains, we’re actually deathly afraid of our brains. But from the moment you start picking up t balls pretty much every one of us deals with them in the same way as everyone else, by “just getting over it”. That might take away 3 out of 5 t balls, but it leaves you with 2, which guides you into new situations, if it is unrelated to the trauma, you still have 2 t balls that may come into play, but if it is related, say related to the whole scenario of “being fat”, personal fitness is always there, it can grow from 2 t balls and go up to 20, 30, 40, whatever. You may “just get over it” as you LEARNED to do it before, but you will take those 40 or so t balls with you into other situations, and they can lead to more t balls.
I’m not here to talk about little things like that, that is just a demonstration to show you how little things can turn into bigger things if not confronted properly (the little kid crying) and they generally never are.
All that stuff can become bigger, but this is about the BIG cases of trauma. The one’s that hinder your entire perception of who you are. The more likely amount could be 1000, 10000, or 100000 t balls. This is a real problem. Most people they don’t have to deal with too many t balls, they have a few, and they are used to “just getting over it”, and that is how their problems get solved. They still have problems, and feel aggrieved over them (because they are still unresolved, just gotten over the quick way, but not fully) and as they are the majority they think they know what problems are. They all share their problems with each other, but alot of them are quite shallow. This guy who was called fat and GOT OVER IT will still carry the attitude from feeling hurt in him (subconsciously), and that is a shallow problem, because it didn’t really cut him as deep as it should have, he got over it by not addressing the problem and how it made the child inside of him feel, he addressed it by addressing it in the shallow way, not dealing with the hurt the problem caused and dealing with the image. So these 2 t balls, they lead to shallow behaviour, leads him into shallow settings with other shallow people, that all “think” they have real problems, and they have, but since they were able to deal with it so easily (or not so easily) this fills them with a pride, which blinds. Most people are like this. So when these people who had 5 t balls and shed the most of them meet someone with 1000 t balls, they have no sympathy, a person with 1000 t balls could have been fat but never dealt with it the right way, he/she tried to deal with it, but we are told “get over it” as soon as we have stuff to get over. Some people just don’t want to flip off the world as the solution to their problems, they want to FEEL their problems and deal with their problems, but as the majority deal with them by getting rid of those t balls as soon as they can, the pride at them achieving this blinds them to the feelings of others, they can’t look past that “well, I did it” point of view and people generally share all this. So, when you have 1000 t balls up in your head, you are getting this crazy information from the persons perspective “what I’d do” that is totally ignorant of what you need to do and feel you should do. So these people, because they never dealt with those few t balls they had (but “think” they absolutely have), give advice out like candy and while they can relate because they did things the quick way, they didn’t have to deal with an extremely large amount of t balls that was stopping them. So when these folks give “advice”, it is entirely from their own perspective, it doesn’t take into account that you or anyone else you know may have had to deal with harder stuff, the “advice” comes from the point of view “I did it/They did it/Everyone else can do it” and not taking into account that it isn’t nearly as easy for the person with 1000 t balls than it was for someone with 5 t balls.
So there I go again, dovetailing into something else, I’m glad personally because it makes me understand a bit more, reestablishes the idea I am hoping to be true is that people are humans, but I think you get me. People with very few t balls who shed enough of them to get over whatever problem(s) they have a very proud of it, as they should be, but they are left with t balls that they never dealt with, and they deal with this by bigging themselves and each other up and getting frustrated when they see people who can’t deal with them so easily, or who wants to deal with them properly. They get rid of t balls because they give “advice” which makes them feel even more proud of themselves, but they get more t balls because they keep in this shallow loop. The person with too many t balls to handle just gets more t balls, because the only reflection from others regarding the excessive t balls the person who needs help/friendship with, is that it is a hindrance, selfish, shallow even ironically, all the t balls that remain that say (you DO still have problems you know?) are dealt with the same way that they were dealt with all of those other times, by getting rid of it by the quick fix, since you with the 1000 t balls remind them that they still have work to do, they quickly “get over it”, and launch more t balls at you to deal with, because that “proves” that they are great. So when you have 1000 t balls and these 2 t balls are launched at you, since they are not yours but are clouded with the implication that “it’s your fault”, these 2 further t balls could turn rapidly to 20/200 t balls down the line. You are getting your information about “getting over it” by people who didn’t deal with their t balls properly, and they didn’t have much to deal with in the first place either. The very implication that “you deserve this” just sends it all into chaos. Shallow people send that message and do that damage, for the reasons I’ve explained above.
I haven’t even gotten started on the meat of it all. I’m going to write the rest in another post, my mind was just OPENED up so to speak (more trauma has left me that has allowed my mind to open up) and I really feel that I have an explanation for a lot of things there. I’m going to talk about what I was going to talk about (lol), trauma, how it forms particularly, and how to get rid of it in the next post.