How to connect your emotions? That’s kind of the answer, you have to connect all of the dots why you feel like the way you feel. You can connect everything, but you have to be willing to ask questions you are afraid to ask of yourself and others, yes, others especially. You are in this state of non flux for a myriad of reasons. Basically all human beings have repressed memories, and those repressed memories take the form of trauma in the head, imagine one bad thing happens and you don’t get the appropriate reaction to the thing that caused that trauma out of either fear or simply because you couldn’t, this thing would cause one little trauma ball to go in your head and will stay there until you get it resolved. But as further instances of trauma happen, these original trauma balls get stuck in the bottom of all of the trauma, as all the little balls JOIN together and keep growing to create one big trauma ball. The bigger the size of the trauma ball, the more foggy everything gets. The more time that has gone by since the trauma happened, it gets buried under the rest of the trauma, imagine it being more in the center of the trauma. The more devastating the trauma was, the more trauma balls are there, let’s say there are 8000 trauma balls in you, and there is one big event in your life that is worth the size of 1000 trauma balls, that would be something that would kind of be on your mind pretty regularly. And the longer trauma is left unresolved, the more that trauma grows. Let me just go back to the example of the trauma that was worth 1000 trauma balls, that could have started at 300, it could have been a pretty devastating experience, but the longer it has gone unresolved and been covered with further trauma, the more it festers inside of you. To use a small example to indicate “potentially” how far this could go back, say you were 5 and someone ripped a root out of your hair, that would be pretty traumatizing. You may have gotten over that whenever, but by the age of 29 you could be uncomfortable with any contact in that spot where that thing happened to you, you may know the reason why but you don’t think of all the trauma associated with that. Trauma from one bad encounter comes along with an assortment of questions such as “why did that person do that?” , “was their apology genuine/why did they not apologize”, “it happened again”, “how do I prevent this from happening again?”, “why did I let this happen?”, etc. These questions bring further more of these imaginary trauma balls, and they are trauma because – you shouldn’t be asking yourself these questions. The abuser should be asking these questions. If something happens and you know that you were the reason it happened 100%, it is very easy to get over the trauma involved with that right away, because YOU KNOW. When unresolved traumas take place it is always because one party abused another party, and it stays unresolved because the party that should be apologizing don’t or if they do they do it very disingenuously, this causes the victim who receives the trauma not to get the appropriate repercussions to the trauma, and thus the victim in the situation is given the sentence, the victim asks themselves all of the questions that the abuser in the situation SHOULD be asking themselves. So instead of trauma getting repaired the natural way, it goes on and on and the victim abuses themselves because of the implication of abuse that the victim “brings it on themselves” gets attached, even before this is roundly agreed as a “fact” of life. Victims never bring it on themselves, they are CHOSEN to be victims, and that stupid little bullshitty trope keeps victims abusing themselves as if they are guilty for what happened to them. None of them are, the only people who are guilty are the abusers, and they are the ones who should be doing the self questioning. So this flimsy repercussion out of every instance of abuse goes unresolved and something that could have been 1 trauma ball can expand into 100 trauma balls brought on by self questioning as to “how this happened” which is created by the implication that the victims made themselves victims. Bullies rule this world with their insane biased thinking, but all bully “facts” can be exploded with logic, which is the thing they hate more than anything on the planet. And the beautiful thing about logic, is that it’s unbiased. So even though you have asked all of these questions, by the time you have worked through a lot of the trauma and start seeing answers, even glimmer of hope answers, you have asked yourself a multitude of times “I think it was me” and even in absolute terms “it was definitely me”. So when you start to uncover things, you will KNOW for a fact that you are 100% in the right, because your logic has been totally unbiased, in fact, there has been a lot more bias, AGAINST YOU, you can start seeing things work out in your favour, and even though you struggle to believe things, you can reflect on the fact that you have been totally fair in all of the conclusions you have come to. You will think you’re “wrong” until you start to see that you are right, you know the bad things that have happened to you already, but each bad thing that happened to you had that implication of “YOU”. It takes a while to get rid of that, but when you do, you know for certain, that you looked at yourself before you looked at anyone else. All these people you will be looking at, their logic is TOTALLY BIASED in their favour, absolutely. Biased logic can not be correct logic, logic can only be unbiased to BE logic.
So, alot of bad trauma in your head that you have to deal with but you will come to know over time wasn’t yours to deal with whatsoever, you will be stronger than anyone who ever made you feel weak because by going through the extent of the trauma they have left you with you get to see how weak they are and how weak they were to deal with their own problems. You have all the time in the world to deal with everything by the way, we are told to PUSH through our problems and “get over it” (another phrase created by bullies, inspired to deter people from lookign at their problems and giving up), imagine the big trauma ball again, it’s too big to push out, it is full of individual bits of trauma so some will slide out and make you feel good initially, but you are only getting out duds, and the effort to push it all out at once is taking it’s toll and adding more trauma, you have to SLIP THE TRAUMA OUT GENTLY, and you do that by being your best friend, having your own back and giving yourself all of the time you need, because out of 100000 (made up figures by the way all these, I can’t see into peoples brains lol) t balls, you may only be able to slip out 2-5 a day. That’s still great, but it’s a hard habit to get used to because you’ve been used to the “just get over it” mantra and trying to just make everything better all of your life, so that’s a hard habit to break.
So everything I say is just information, you might be able to see if I’m onto something, you might think I am absolutely nuts, but you can see the kinds of things I talk about. You can read what I say and it may make sense to you, but until you GET THERE yourself, this stuff won’t make as much sense, if it makes any sense at all.
1) BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. You have known who knows how many people in your life and they haven’t talked to you like this. What I am telling you is a concrete solution to all of your problems. No one else is telling you, so YOU tell yourself this stuff. People are afraid of taking a step outside of their comfort zone of what is “acceptable”. This is the solution, but you can’t talk to anyone, they will look at you like you’re insane, just like every other time you have said things “you shouldn’t say”. You are your friend. If you have the fortune to have a decent friend or two, they don’t have a clue as to 0.0000000001% of how you should make yourself feel better. Only you have the answers. This is how you get the answers. And yes, you’ll be alone in this, but it’s better being alone and starting to find yourself (and here’s a clue: Im sure you know them) than being around a crowd of people and feeling alone.
2) IT TAKES AS LONG AS IT TAKES. This is why you be your best friend. Anyone else and even yourself will say “hurry up, you’re taking too long”. You have to say to yourself “No, I know what I’m doing”, be KIND to yourself, you will forget that “it takes as long as it takes” a good few times, you and all of s have habits that we have the time running out, it’s the furthest thing from the truth, we have as much time as we need, and no one else will see the logic in that, that’s their own selfishness, it’s an absolute fact, and time is the solution. You will forget, but then you will remember, and this will eventually happen often enough that you take longer to forget and you are quicker to remember. Be your friend, forgive yourself when you forget, forgive yourself for losing patience, forgive yourself when you feel absolutely fucking lost, keep telling yourself “I have as much time as I need”, don’t set deadlines to hurry up, “like you should”, you don’t have to give yourself any deadlines, you are your most genuine friend and you love yourself, and you have forgotten or never even known that you ever did or could have loved yourself. The whole journey is to find the person you already knew you were, but be an even better, strong version of that person. No one else will help you. Only you can help you, and the odd crazy person on the internet who thinks he can save the world 😛