What am I going to be?


What a question eh?

What did you want to be most when you were a kid?  A superhero?  Pilot?  Lawyer?  Actor?  You might have become one of these things (except the superhero) or any other idea/fantasy career you wanted, but life doesn’t pan out the way you want, except for the extremely lucky (a legendary Thespian actor like Anthony Hopkins humble admits that he is lucky to be who he is, Kanye West “thinks” he’s God, the truth is with a lot of hard work, they are just really lucky), most of us have to deal with real life, where we are just our normal selves.  We accept it, we don’t have a choice.  But alot of these dreams, they were attainable.  As soon as you were told that you could not be who you wanted to be, THAT was the first time you were bullied, at least in a significant human shaping way.  If you were not going to cut it as an actor for example, that would just be the way it worked out, or had the talent, fair enough (though, hard work can make up for natural talent), but the idea that you “just couldn’t” is very very obtuse and hurt who you were/are.  We can not all be millionaires, but if we have dreams big enough, we should be allowed to at least give it a shot.  We are beaten out of alot of this stuff, either by “life coaches”, parents, schools, or people who deride you for having something you are passionate with love for.  Maybe anyone who reads this never had any interest and that’s okay, but if your dream as a kid was to be an accountant even, and for whatever reason you were deterred all the way, that isn’t right.  the things you love are a part of who you are, and unless you are very lucky, and have a strong support system around you, these “dreams” are never allowed to breathe creatively.

We’re not all Rembrandt, but we all could be.

But here we are, living our lives.  I hope people are as happy as they can be, but there is a lot of excess stuff that goes with “accepted” jobs.  Pressure namely.  I’m not just talking about jobs, I’m talking about the pressure that made you give up these dreams if you ever had them, the pressure that made you a victim of abuse or the pressure that even made you join in with the abuse.

Even people who join in with the abuse, if they are uneasy with it, they are victims too, though on a smaller scale, they usually get over NOT being the abused one pretty quick, when they realize that what they are doing is “okay”, especially if they are standing in the background and can look like they are “not involved”.  A very popular type of bully.  The reason ego is powered in the first place is ignorance, if you have an ego, it makes you thirst for power, and the best way to get power, is take someone elses power, the ignorant ego provides you with the clear headedness and justification (if needed) to take someone elses power.  The people who stand in the background and couldn’t have played any part in the bullying because “they weren’t involved”, they are involved, because their ego allows them to be ignorant.  And after a while, allows them to see hazing of someone as “fun”, and the more comfortable it is, they “don’t see it”.

The above, just dovetailed out there and my brain was clicking.  Just have to mention the way bullies think as much as possible, so you can all see how delusional they really are.

There was even pressure when you had a teacher who had it in for you for absolutely no reason.  The quoted paragraph above, you were pressured into joining bullying or pressured by bullying.  And the big one, you have been pressured by nobody SEEING the bullying.  If no one SEES the bullying, the implication is that you must be imagining it.  So that is why this ego stuff, you don’t have to learn it, but know a little about it, is important, because you get to know WHO is DELUSIONAL here.  So anyway, pressure pressure pressure pressure pressure.  the whole world revolves around pressure.

When you are a kid, you have to think about college.  When you are in college, you have to think about your future career.  When you are in your career, you have to think about how you are going to get ahead in your career.  When you get ahead in your career, you have to think about how you are going to get even further ahead in your career.  When are you going to get married?  When are you going to have kids?  When are you going to have more kids?  You are 22 years old, why are you not more mature?  You are 44 years old, why are you not further in your life?  Why do you not drive?  Why do you not have a better car?  Why don’t you have a better job?

This is not just exclusive to childhood/adolescence/teenagehood.  This goes on FOREVER.  There is always someone to impress, and if you are not impressing enough people, you really should be changing yourself into someone who is going to impress alot of people.  If you are not impressing anyone?  God, that is “horrible”.  If you are rock bottom?  You did it all yourself.  There are alot of assholes who hit rock bottom who get everything they deserve but unfortunately the fact that these people are so widespread gives off an “entitlement” attitude.  So when these people hit rock bottom, it is their own fault (mostly, I’m talking about the really really arrogant people here).  When poor innocent victims hit rock bottom (and this can happen as a little child), they are given the same treatment, it is their own fault.

What?  A 9 year old kid is struggling with a bunch of problems because of his/her upbringing and all the problems are placed on them?  Okay then……

What?  A 33 year old software engineer was screwed out of a job he/she did very well and thrown in the trash more or less, and it’s their fault?  Okay then……..

There are excuses for every single act of bullying in the world and it is all very professional.  It is excused as children because “these are children”.  It is excused in the workplace because “this is work”.  It is excused in adult relationships because…… reasons….  There is an excuse that every abuser hides behind and every single reason they did it no matter what format they are in is “because you made them do it”.  That is the way they see it, that is the way they will communicate it, a great excuse is “you’re not tough enough”.  But really, EVERY EXCUSE IN THE BOOK is fair game.  It is always the victims fault.  That is the way bullies as children see it, it becomes a true art form when people become adults.  And 90 something % of the people in the world probably buy into it all.  The more people that buy into something, the more “proof” that it is the truth.

So the whole concept of “who am I going to be?” can be something you know as a child even but is warped into a million different directions until you settle on something and more often than not totally buy into the feeling that you are going to love what you do.  We can not all do dream jobs, but the majority of people who work in whatever fields they do completely stumble into them, even if they are totally into it, they realize eventually that what they are doing is not what they want to do at all.  Most of the people in the world realize this during their mid life crisis.  They are so busy putting off depression by filling the void in their lives with cars, husbands/wives, children, social status updates, money, etc. etc. that they reach 45-50 and they think “WHAT???”  People are led into an abyss and the best way to live in the abyss is by living in denial and picking targets whenever you need to let off some steam, get rid of insecurity.  Most people that pick these targets, the ones who go to sleep every night “knowing” that they “never” bullied anyone, think that because as someone or some people were being bullied they stood in the background and let it all happen.

So, what are you going to be?  Are you going to listen to the opinions of a bunch of delusional idiots?  You could be doing a job right now that you love but are stuck in it because “that’s life”.  The truth is you DO NOT HAVE to be anything.  Just you.  The victims of bullying, you need to know this the most, because while everyone is bullied as soon as they feel any kind of social pressure to be a certain person or to go a certain direction in their life the one’s who are bullied the most are the people who have their soul stripped away from them and have little sense of who they are, but they suffer because they know deep down they have been wronged, and are scared.  REAL victims, have their soul stripped away from them, most people get to keep the fundamentals that will keep them going, REAL victims have been stripped of most of their soul, and weep because they have been convinced they don’t have a soul and everything was “their fault” for “not fighting back”.  You can all do this.

What are you going to be?  Nothing you have to “be”.

The only thing that you are going to be is yourself, not superhero John, accountant John, actor john, salesman John, garbage man John, History teacher John, Coffee Shop worker John, JUST….. JOHN.

If your name is Ralph, you are JUST….. RALPH.

If your name is Rebecca, you are JUST….. REBECCA.

If your name is Carlos, you are JUST…. Carlos.

If your name is Madeleine, you are JUST….. Madeleine.

You are only you.  That is all you are going to be.  That is all you should strive for.  Anyone who is defining themselves by the executive administrator of Logistical Analysis job that they have, they are not being themselves.  They are proud of it all, but they are not being themselves.  So the nuggets of wisdom they have about themselves, not much wisdom there folks.  When the job loses it’s lustre it will just be something they do, and they won’t like the new colleague that is hired because he doesn’t like people with big eyebrows or something.  You know, smart kind of reasons to dislike people.  have a preoccupying disinterest of this person from then on to fill up the time, so you don’t have to think “who am I?”.  It’s far easier to think “who is this person, and why are they doing that thing that they really aren’t doing?”  It is so much easier to point the finger at everyone folks, everybody does it, and it hurts GENUINE victims of abuse/bullying the most, because all the people who point the finger “live” by the mantra that you are responsible for everything that happens to you, yet point the finger at someone with big eyebrows and doesn’t see how this person should have a problem with it.

Anyway, just be yourself.  Don’t listen to the sheep who don’t like someone not doing something they would do.  Just be yourself.  And yes, I know you are very very likely not yourselves, well, find yourself… and then be yourself.  Everyone says “be yourself”.  Most people aren’t.


Insecure/Insensitive People v Secure/Sensitive People 2


So, the last post.  Kind of an introduction piece, I am trying to keep these posts relatively short so the information doesn’t overwhelm so much, because when you feel fucked up, it is very easy to be overwhelmed.  And even if you don’t get overwhelmed, your overall situations overwhelm you anyway and you likely forget everything.

So if you look at my title, I seem to have separated these two types of people.

If it is right to be insensitive, why do you have to be insecure about yourself?

If it is wrong to be sensitive, why is it a bad thing to be secure in yourself not to “play the game” at the expense of others?

You say these two questions, back to back, or once at a time to any “normal” person, I guarantee, the question goes over their head.  And if it doesn’t, ATTACK!  ATTACK!  ATTACK!

I seem to have found a link here.  As in all genius like things in life, the simplest links are the right answer.  With all the very in depth psychological proof I have found of all other humans, I am very comfortable with this link I have found, and don’t feel any worry telling people this is correct.  A calm came over me this morning.  I feel like all my work, which was made extremely hard because of the serial bullies “that of course weren’t bullies” in my life made extremely hard, has now come off.  My very simple, hence, incredibly stupid and retarded viewpoint, “why can’t we all just get along?”, has now been verified, I am very comfortable with it.  And the absolute great thing, that you can all relate to, and the thing you all believe in your gut but “is obviously delusional”, is that I have proved the fuckers wrong.  Sorry about the language, but sometimes you have to call them what they are.

So now that I am comfortable in my personal journey ending, I am more than comfortable in any information I give out here.  Let’s just say I feel bulletproof, this is good.  My goal with this site is to HELP (all I am doing is helping, YOU do ALL THE WORK, and get ALL THE CREDIT) you recover who you really are, but not just that, to make you feel bulletproof too.  You will be, with hard work, belief, defiance, and most importantly of all, getting rid of all of those blockades that make you block your soul, and alot of those blockades come from outside where people “tell” you what you have to be.  Anyone who thinks they have any idea who you should be or what you should be, that s their EGO.  That projects off onto their mad thoughts of thinking they have some kind of valid ownership on who you are into your thoughts, and you keep those thoughts inside, as if they are your own.  THESE THOUGHTS, they block your soul.  Your soul is the key to everything.  And it is individual from the rest of the world, and the rest of the world are not happy with the idea of your soul being free, if they were, they would have left it alone all these years.  And if they had any remorse, they would have apologized and encouraged your soul to come out.  They only do it when they want something, very few if any want it to express itself.  Or to be accurate, YOU to express yourself.

It is never going to happen.

Only SECURE/SENSITIVE PEOPLE care, you see, I am secure that if you achieved something that a)  it is your life, b)  that I would be HAPPY, elated, that you were happy, c)  I would not only be happy for your success, I would GLADLY help you achieve further success.

You see, because I am secure, no matter what you achieve, if I am begging on the street and living off scraps, and you are a millionaire, I will be HAPPY for you.  I would only be upset if you were a d head, but if you were a good person, I would wish you no ill will whatsoever.

I am sensitive, because I CARE what you are going through, I CARE about your personal journeys, I CARE about WHO YOU REALLY ARE, as opposed to the things that “prove” you are who you are.  How is sensitivity and security a bad thing really?  No jealousy, no hate!

Let’s look at the other viewpoint.

a)  It is your life – This is true, but how does this relate to me?  Like, I’m “happy” as long as you are happy, but, if I was you (I’m just saying, don’t get “sensitive”), I would do things like this.  I don’t know why you would do things the way you did.  I “love” you, but I only say this “out of love”.  If I was you, I would have taken a different approach in life altogether.  Why are you getting upset?  You’re so sensitive sometimes.

It is simple.  It is YOUR life.  I can’t handle that, even if it is going great or not so great, I have to interject with my “opinions”.  I could shatter your world, but hey, “I’m just giving me opinion”.  It’s YOUR FAULT for getting so upset, you shouldn’t be so sensitive.  So, it is simply your life, a secure/sensitive person knows this.  An insecure/insensitive person, they will make something very very simple that it is you who owns your life into all things about them, and it gets blown up and blown up.  And if they say “It’s your life”, it is almost always in a negative tone, were they get upset, because they were only “trying to help”.  One of many subtle guilt trips that play havoc on the mind, at the time, and down the line throughout your life.

b)  I would be happy if you were happy, but, why do you get to be happy?  I’ll let you have your day, but this can’t go on too long.  “Of course” I want you to be happy, “of course” I do, but some people aren’t all happy don’t you know?  Do you ever think about others?  I “am” happy for you, but I wish I was a bit happier.  I WISH IT WAS ALL ABOUT ME.

c)  If I was “happy” for your success, to your face I would be happy, behind your back, old friend jealousy will come out.  As for you achieving any further success?  I would be “soooooo” happy to see that happen for you.  But there is a limit.  Honestly, right now, I think you’re close to breaking that limit as it is.  “Of course” I am happy for you, I “love” you and you are my “friend/partner/child”, but…. there’s a limit.

I put things in quotations because I highlight what certain people are REALLY saying.

Secure/Sensitive people, they are aware you are your own person, and if you knew more or any of these people in the first place your world would be VASTLY DIFFERENT.  But hey, mourn whatever you didn’t have all you want, but we are the kinds of people who are kept down and labeled negatively as “sensitive” and totally insanely pot calling kettle black “insecure” by these “people”.  These insensitive (and fiercely proud of it, unless they can make an image out of “having a sensitive side” – the fake ones are the most dangerous, because they are the biggest deceivers) people have convinced themselves they are “secure”.  WHY THE HELL DO THEY TRY AND MAKE OTHER PEOPLE FEEL INSECURE THEN?  Secure, happy people, there is no need to impune on anyones personal happiness, seeing that would instead bring great joy.

So, people, you are the SECURE one’s, you just “think” you are insecure because the real insecure people couldn’t deal with any of their feeble negativities and threw them at you instead.  And the best way to convince yourself of anything in this world, is to “believe” that you are a certain person.  So these insecure people “believe” that they are really the secure people.  The secure people, spend most of their lives wrecking their brain trying to figure things out, and “think” they are the insecure ones because the act that is MASTERFUL from the opposition who “think” that they are TOTALLY NOT INSECURE is amazing.

We only ever thought we were insecure because these deluded insecure idiots REALLY THINK they are secure.  If sensitive/secure people were as commonplace as they apparently are, we would not have ANY problems in this world at all.  All the problems would come from insecure idiots.  As they do now, and always have.

When someone kills themselves because of bullying, it is nothing to do with anyone else.  These insecure fools all over the world do not realize IT IS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THEM.  But no, the person was “disturbed” or whatever, or the classic, “couldn’t handle the world”.  Yep, they couldn’t handle the world because it is filled with a giant amount of insecure morons who are morons because they REALLY THINK they are secure people.  They are idiots because THEY THINK they aren’t idiots.

So guys, you are by far and away not the problem.  You do have to recover to see all of this stuff, if you were an idiot you could go “of course” and just believe you’re The Shit.  We have more thinking to do.  We have to slide away the pollution that we have been dealing with all or most of our lives.  It all takes time.  So all those idiots who are SO SECURE that they show it by being at staggering levels of insecurity will keep running around insecure, thinking life is a game.  You have all the time to get over everything, you do it how you want, you only “think” you are running out of time because everyone else “thinks” they are in a game 😉


Insecure/Insensitive People v Secure/Sensitive People 1


This is called Insecure/Insensitive People v Secure/Sensitive People 1, it won’t save as a title for reasons beyond my knowledge.

Here’s the shocker.  You are not insecure.  Really, when you get down to it.  You are insecure BECAUSE of other peoples insecurity.  If you are in a room with 100 different people all in their various “moods”, it may be hell for you.  It’s because, you sensitive people (once again I’ll say, you were either born sensitive or made sensitive) can ‘sense’ the insecurity all around you.  The difference between you and these 99 other insecure people, is that YOU question whether you are insecure.  You don’t just question it, you give it full authority that you are insecure.  These other people, maybe some will give it some thought, them and the others who won’t, they’ll turn on the tv or do something and forget about it, exercise their brains in other ‘zombie like’ ways as soon as they may get a little bit close to an uncomfortable line of thinking such as “who am I?”

The most sensitive people.  We’ll use these distractions as well, but the thing is, WE KNOW they are only distractions.  There are more important things in our lives, and personally it is the “who am I” question the others touch on.

The difference is, they just touch on it.  They don’t go full haul.  People all agree that thinking too much is bad, it’s because they are all as deathly scared as each other.  Any feeling of ‘inferiority’ that bullies get somehow in their crazy brains, they pick ‘targets’.  All these targets, are victims.  And in their crazy brains, they ‘imagine’ that the victim, brought on everything themselves, they had it coming, they deserved it.

So lots of people become victims.  Alot of people become victims, they think, and if they have any strength against this view, they are told they have no choice, but to ‘toughen up’, and fight back.  They are told that strength is not keeping your resolve.  They are told that strength is challenging another persons resolve.  It’s extremely tempting, but the fact is, when you fight back, more often than not, you become a bully yourself.  Because you start hanging around bullies, alot of times when someone fights back against the person who bullied them, there is ‘respect’ between the two, and a friendship is formed.  The initial bully respects that this person fought back, and will gladly have them on his team.  The victim who fights back, he is alot of the time glad to be in league with the bully.

You see, any abuse, whether you fight back or not, it is a slight on the victim.  Whatever any human being says, the ground rule is that they want to be liked.  When you are being bullied, the thing you really want to know is “why don’t you like me?”  Even if you absolutely hate this person or persons, the thing that really gets your goat is why these people don’t like you.  The fact that they don’t like you, it means that there must be something WRONG with you.  So others do fight back, and they can be proud of the time they “fought back against bullies”.  But any “pride”, 99 times out of 100 leads to arrogance.  Arrogance, leads to bullying.  As people get older, in their 20s, the most subtle of them all, they would be “outraged” if you accused them of bullying.  If you did it in a workplace, you would be ostracized.  That is the thing.  This person “thinks” he isn’t a bully, after all, he fought back from bullying.  Alot of people who fight back from bullying remember exactly how horrible it is to feel when you are being bullied, and wouldn’t do that to anyone.  But most people, their ‘pride’ just warps them, and when you have ‘pride’ on the line, pride is always On the line.  Even when it really isn’t.

When a victim though takes it personally something that is wrong with them, they are labeled among other things, a pushover.  Every victim takes being a victim personally, alot fight back, and as soon as they fight back, do the ‘accepted’ thing, that’s when when get proud of themselves.  When you are proud of yourself, if there is any situation that you can relate to, or even if there are situations you can’t even relate to, you achieve an arrogance that gives you full authority to call things as you see it.  If you are right calling things, brilliant, but so many people say “fight back” without any understanding of the person they are telling to fight back.  People have a hard time accepting OTHER PEOPLE ARE DIFFERENT, and “other people” in this scenarion, are sensitive people.  Everyone is sensitive, but whereas most sensitive people lose their control, ‘hyper/super’ sensitive people THINK.  Every time someone is a victim, they just want to know whats wrong with them.  Either fight back, or think about it.  The problem is the people who fight back start to think they know it all.  Just like the bullies think they know it all.  And the people who don’t fight back think “everybody knows everything except me”.

If anything, being bullied gives us a chance to look at ourselves, but we can go SO DEEP that it causes chaos in our lives, and as we keep being “targets”, we start to doubt ourselves more and more and more.

We are only insecure because of the insecure.  I’ll speak more on this another time, but right now, I’m going to write about something very close to me, and directly related to all of you as well.

P.S. Alot of the stuff I have gone on about before (the ego), I’m going to go on about it less.  I was just doing some crazy mathematics in my head and coming to theories that though true (gotta love maths) are not important.  We are people, and I’m going to spend less time delving into the subconscious of the bully and more time talking to YOUR HEARTS.

A continuation of my last post


Sometimes you just need a picture to give you some kind of inspiration.  Most people are only aware of their conscious thoughts, and if someone mentions anything BEYOND this “socially acceptable” criteria, that person becomes more or tally “socially unacceptable”.  Being harmed by humans, it is because they harm what they are scared of.  Believe it or not.

Anyway, I’m going to keep my posts short(ish) from now on, because I’m writing alot and I am aware how thinking about stuff can blow your mind, especially the stuff you are not “supposed” to think about. I wouldn’t be writing about anything and exposing people to stuff if I couldn’t link things up, one of the things that made me “stand out” from other people was a vow I made pretty early that I would never hurt anyone because of my own insecurities. Not doing this, made me “weak”, and boy did I believe it for a long long time, because “obviously” I was. When I started working through depression just the way felt right was the right direction, I started blowing up boundaries, and I completely remembered my personality, that I didn’t want to hurt anyone, that I would rather help others. I thought that was some BS thing I was living in denial of because I couldn’t cope with the world, but seriously, I worked through absolutely everything and the only reason I forgot that about myself, hid it, felt ashamed even or felt like I was in a fantasy land for thinking like that was because it was beaten out of me and I was told I was “doing it wrong”. You get depressed because you forget yourself. The people who don’t get depressed, they generally don’t care about themselves, they care about their “image” (because they either always or grew to acknowledge that was who they actually were). You care about who you really really are, and where you really really are in life, and that is a damn good enough reason to be depressed. But you are guilt tripped, you are made to feel defected, you are told that to get “happy” again you have to improve your standing in the world. Told by absolutely everyone, including people who are “professionals”. You are led on a wild goose chase to get an image makeover. Some people get over it, by just giving in. They don’t really get over it, but they get over the hump. You get depressed because YOUR SOUL wants you to be WHO YOU ARE, and your ego, it wants you to be an IMAGE. And the whole world, everyone you know, absolutely everyone, wants you to be an IMAGE again. And your failure to comply, could be many many things, but bottom line is you being depressed is WRONG, and UNDESIRABLE. You don’t always have to be depressed. But if you follow the “rules” of the world of people who are depressed (and live in denial of it, by pursuing image, and even to protect it enhance that image, pick on someone who can’t fight back, or take down people “in your way”), you are following the wrong rules. The rules are WITHIN YOU, and all I can do is try to help. Don’t worry, I forget this stuff too. I keep thinking I’m wrong about this and every other thing half the time, but you feel RIGHT when you are looking in the right direction.

Take it easy, seriously, I am 29 myself, I don’t know how old you people are but lets just assume we are all the same age. For the majority of our lives, we have been told NOT TO BE OURSELVES. For a while it worked out. And when we got depressed, that was a bad thing. And we fell behind (if we were ever level in the first place). We were living a life that was counterfeit, something to fit in and be accepted by others, if we weren’t, we dealt with it ways that we thought we could deal with acceptably, scared shitless to do things like write down our thoughts without being overly aware of “what have I become” kind of thoughts. There is LOADS LOADS LOADS to get through, absolutely LOADS. You have been asleep longer than you have been awake, maybe you aren’t awake yet. The world is totally asleep. Depression wakes us up. But we are “told” to stay asleep. By others, and by people with “credentials” as well. You can do absolutely everything in this world, but we are limited to very few things, only things that will make us “liked” by others are we told to strive for. To really succeed, socially and professionally, we are told we need to be assholes, and not being one is us not being “grown up” enough. If you do not “comply”, you will have “done it all yourself”. FREE YOUR MIND. It is locked up. Your mind can do absolutely anything. I have had some “epiphanies” that I am totally a genius, or whatever. My IQ is irrelevant, I am not a “genius”, I am ME. If I am a genius, so is everyone, others just choose not to be, or “think” they are. Every label, positive or negative, is ATTACHED to you by either yourself or by others to sway you. It is an ego boost/ego battering.



You can either trick yourself into believing that you are great, or if you have any kind of problem, if you don’t see how something adds up, you can stay depressed, and the only help you will get comes with implications that there is something wrong with you.

I have A LOT more to say and will. But do that thing we are told is “bad” for us. THINK. THINK about everything I have written. DO NOT take what I say as UNDENIABLE PROOF. I really think it is, not just for me, I have thought about things deeply to relate to everybody out there, but we all have different minds, different realities, different past experiences. What has happened in my life has been totally different from what has happened in your lives. We are similar, but totally different. I am not the kind of person to push my views onto other people, but seeing as this is about the actual thing we are supposed to enjoy called LIVING, I think it is necessary to share. Why can’t we be happy? I will tell you guys.

Abit about the truth of depression (more will definitely follow)


People treat good people like murderers. They treat other people like murderers too, but they treat good people like the biggest murderers of all.

They enforce a sentence on them, and get “offended” at any dismay, self defense, or depression that comes from it. They get “offended” at the very honest assessment from someone that they think they are depressed. People “think” they get depressed when they don’t get something they want. They see people who are depressed as just people who can’t get over not getting what they want. So the people who are actually depressed (and it is always the very best people earlier on in life) start to THINK that they are depressed because they fall into these categories. They aren’t depressed because of the world around them or the things that have happened to them, no, they are depressed because they aren’t as “great” as they think that they are. You get depressed because of the whole world, not because of a “chemical imbalance in your brain”, or not being happy with where you are, you get depressed because of the bonkers world around you that makes you get more depressed because it makes you think that you are the problem. YOU AREN’T THE PROBLEM.

The world is nuts, and the people who aren’t depressed, think people are just depressed because they only see things through their own point of view. And the fact that most of the world shares the exact same point of view, is proof of how dumb people really really are. I am sick of doubting what I know, what I have found out, everything I have thought of, I have LINKED everything together, I didn’t just decide “the world is nuts”, I have linked things up with absolute full thought given to every single thought I’ve ever had about the world. I’m sick of being “wrong” just because everyone else “thinks” they are right. If everyone is right, why is the world such a garbage dump? Because “that’s just the way it is”. What insane, obtuse thinking. And the insane thinking is the sane thinking? There is so much to get over, and if I said any of this publically in view of the world, I’d be put on the happy pills until I get “better”.

Listen people, you are depressed, for, get this? A REASON. What “insane” kind of thinking is this? Could we be actually thinking for A REASON. Call the white coats, quick, I’m obviously insane. I have said that theory once, twice or maybe more times in my life, and I have been met by stone cold silence. No discussion, no other opinions. Absolute silence. Then when I see these people (and the other people they tell) I have some kind of “vibe” around me (a negative vibe) that is something that I obviously am the person who created.

They say ego is the battle between ego and soul, and I could get VERY DEEP into that theory and prove it, but I think I’ve done enough proof based thinking, I could prove it, but I would rather speak in human for a while. I only ever had to go to such intense logical thinking because I had no other choice. The fact that so many many things are just “not on” to say in interactions between HUMAN BEINGS (supposedly), has made me go to the logical depths of my mind to prove stuff. But the thing that “humans” have done to me is make me think I am not human. I think I have proved to myself what kind of human I am and what kind of human other people generally are. I could not even say that last sentence anywhere without appearing with some kind of image attached to me. The REASON images are attached, and connected with labels, is because the people who CREATE all of this stuff, they are not people, they are IMAGE.
You see, The ego creates a thing called IMAGE for a person. If you have an image, you will be the coolest cat in the world. You will hang out with all of the other coolest cats in the world. People who want to be more like the coolest cat in the world, will start changing WHO THEY REALLY ARE so they can be more like the coolest cat in the world. Alot of people will start to hate themselves for not being the coolest cat in the world, thus, if you can’t beat them, (kind of) join them. they will create another image to follow, some may become goth or emo, hipsters, rockers, party people, gym heads, some will become skaterboarders (you can’t just like skateboarding, you have to “look” like a skateboarder), surfers, neo nazis, art enthusiasts (don’t just like art, they “show” how much they like art), rugby player, football player, soccer player (all these, if done well, come with an IMAGE, even if not done well, IMAGE is present, but a sad, pathetic, jealous, envious one. If you are not any of these things, people will DECIDE you must/are be these things), basketball player, darts player, nightclub bouncer, office worker, bartender (will feel insecure eventually, because they are “just” a bartender, after enough people DEFINE this person by his/her job until they give in and get a “proper” job), military person, politician, gangsters, doctors, I could go on forever and list everything. Even things like living up to the image as a shopaholic.

Eventually, when people “grow up”, they start to become more and more alike, a guy who is now a gym nut totally banishes the fact that he was a rocker with long messy hair from his youth. It “never happened” as far as he was concerned. Moreso, it isn’t “who he is”. The fact was, it was WHO HE WAS, but he doesn’t give it any thought. The best people who deal with having an image, are able to slide away, like it meant nothing to them.  It helped him live a stage of his life. Until he broke away from his rocker metal head friends and became friends with a bunch of jocks. He now thinks he’s “better” than the one guy who has always remained a rocker. He thought he was “better” when he could grow his hair longer than this guy when he was a teenager and he thinks he is “better” now for “growing up”. If they see each other, they are still on good terms, but there is a clear divide, and they both know it. And they guy who remained a rocker, he’s obviously just “bitter” that the other guy has moved ahead in life. And this rocker guy genuinely thinks he is bitter, because it is “obviously” the reason why he is so far behind.

IMAGE is not real. It is an ILLUSION created by our egos. People cope with it, by living up to their image, furthering their image, branching their image into new directions, they do everything that this image tells them to. When people “think” they get depressed, they buy things like new tvs, new cars, get makeovers, get a new boyfriend or girlfriend, have an affair or affairs, get a new house, get a new job, get a new “image”, put on more muscle, start drinking or if you already drink start drinking more, do drugs or more drugs, get new “friends”, hell, even do the popular thing, bully. Because the great thing about bullying, if you are a bully, you get to let your image convince you that you “aren’t” a bully. You are a good person. Your IMAGE has done a lot to “prove” you are, by showing you all the things you have. Image is the one big bull story in the world. Everyone is nasty and underhanded not because they really are (though some actually are), but because they have an IMAGE to maintain. It is kill or be killed. If you kill, you can convince yourself it was necessary to do so. You can trick yourself into believing anything that makes you sleep well at night. That is the beauty of image. It is an illusion that makes perception into reality, undisputed reality. And you can not be crazy, because the vast majority of the world is totally in on it. And the best way to be sure that you are right, is to ‘convince’ yourself that you are right. Nobody who smears other people, be it friends, strangers, or as they tell themselves “easy targets” is a bad person, they are a “good” person. As the victim of smearing, because my big offense was I was “too nice”, and then it degenerating into all sorts of things I was labeled as, I know how damn hard living with smearing is, and the biggest most dsgusting hurdle is people genuinely don’t think they smeared you. They GENUINELY think that “you brought it on yourself”.

So the real problem with depression, is ego v soul. Your soul is who you are. As soon as you stop being who you are, that is when depression starts. When you start to feel that deep confusion, you could not be thinking for a reason? You need to clearly do something for your image. The solution is YOU, but from school onwards, you start feeling like there is something wrong with you when bullies intervene. If you fight back, you start defining yourself as “the person who fought back”, and that is a whole new image in itself. Bullies create image, and they deal with their insecurity by making people create images for themselves, because if you have an image, you can fit in with a pack, and if you are in with a pack, you are “safe”. But people don’t think of themselves as safe, they think of themselves as hot shit the more it works out for them.

You see, when you are depressed, the ONLY SOLUTION that you think you have, is IMAGE ENHANCEMENT. You must be depressed because of how you appear in your life. You are. But you are depressed about far more than that. You are depressed because of WHO YOU REALLY ARE. Most people deal with being depressed in this world of depression by pointing out others.  It is an unwritten code, singling out others.  It isn’t bullying, because enough people DECIDE it isn’t bullying.  You get power by making someone else look powerless, everything is “obviously” alright.  The only way you think depression is going to be cured is by doing something about your image. And how can you not think that, the entire image dominated world is telling you that you have to do something about your image. You “shouldn’t” be depressed for starters. That is a BAD IMAGE for you. It certainly isn’t the image you want anyway, but instead of finding out about THE REAL YOU, you get people who feel put out over how your depression/sadness is really deep down ALL ABOUT THEM (Ego creates image remember. Even creates image of someone being a kind person. IMAGE MUST BE PROTECTED FROM EVER QUESTIONING ITSELF AT ALL TIMES), who LOVE to give you advice, health care professionals who keep asking you the wrong questions or putting you on medication. The image is “they are the doctor, therefore, have the knowledge”. You are told the problem lies within. This is true. But instead of finding the real problem that lies within (a clue, it is also within but within is affected from outside, how “insane” a thought), you are told to “get over it”, and psychologists start showing impatience depending on the psychologist, and it is held AGAINST YOU for being such a bad patient. There are good psychologists, but if they can’t reign in their ego (and i reckon only 1% of the planet, all professions, CAN’T DO THAT, some “think” they can and are “proud” of it, but they really can’t), they are absolutely destructive.

Positive: What knowing information about bad people can do for you

Alot of the good people in the world (including the not so good), get stuck at the “why?” question, about why people are so crappy to each other, why things are so hard, why people turn on them, why why why why why?  Most people just get on with it the best way they can.  Most people who get on with it, they have stuff happening, but it doesn’t ruin their life.  Alot of people have stuff happening to them, and it does ruin their life.  And if you’re like me, you were just nice to everyone and you got pidgeonholed as someone who stood out, but it’s always becomes bad if it isn’t at first, it can be quite maddening.  The world is full of crappy people for a reason.  Crappy people.  But people never look much further than that.  Because you aren’t “supposed” to look any further.  The big thing that was holding me back all of my life was the resistance I had to be an asshole, I could have “accepted” everything the way it was, been an asshole, and forget about it all by letting someone else think about it, but that really defeated my core purposes of not wanting to hurt anybody.  So until I started learning about these techniques, I couldn’t start questioning these techniques.  Until I started questioning these techniques, I wouldn’t be able to look a bit deeper into these techniques.  And yes, every single thing I learned, every single thing, I questioned “Is it me?”  Because obviously, I was the only person I knew really struggling with life.  It was some fucked up thing about me, obviously not the world around me.  I’ve just realized that alot of what I do, the way I try to help people, is because I have never been allowed to be selfish in my life.  Not once, if I did anything for myself, or was even just happy, my abusers would go crazy at me for being so selfish.  So this is the reason I want to help everyone, as a kind of retribution of some kind.  But with this mindset, I am still suffering from the manipulation.  Putting the entire world before me.  But thing is, through all this absolute hell, I have learned a lot of things, and I am going to continue getting better, trying to help other people HELP THEMSELVES get better, and by continuing on, I am only doing good.  You don’t have to learn as much as me, I just had to learn so much because of the severity of the abuse entwined with wanting to make this place right, but I a putting stuff out there.  KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE.  I assure you, it is.  I would never use these tactics against anyone, but the thing here is this:  Next time (and abusers are all over the world, they aren’t all, or nearly, as “good” as they think they are, madly in love with themselves is their biggest problem) I am met with tactics of any type, I am SHIELDED by knowing alot of these things.  And I know if I can be shielded, all you guys can as well.  Don’t sink down to their level, I don’t think any of you will, you just want the madness to end.  And a good way of making the madness end, is understanding the madness.  Understanding IT ISN’T YOU.  That is a weight off of your mind.  IT ISN’T YOU.  It’s all well me saying these things, understanding them, that is when things start to ‘click’.  And it takes a lot longer to click than you think.  You have a lot of trauma crap to get over.  I recommend you get over that first, by pure rest, but I know how it is, you spend your whole life or part of it just wishing everything would be sorted, and you can get obsessed with all of that, and sometimes you think “that’s it” and you let yourself get into a false sense of security, thinking you’ve finally done it.  But it is much deeper than you think, all of this, life itself, and you are no difference.  The only problem is you see and feel what is gravely wrong and you hurt from it, while alot of others are content the way it is.  And you should be “more like them”.  You should be like YOU.  You care about more than stupid shit, you care about real humanity, you’ve just likely been told you have no idea.  Life is a big thing, the simple minded dominate the planet and tell you that you don’t see what you see, don’t feel how you “should” be feeling, don’t act like you “should” be acting, the one’s who do what they “should” the best, they are the most accepted.  And you will be outcasts until you learn “about life”.  These people know about “life” – the thing that is a game, they have no interest in learning about life, will learn about life grudgingly, and have a problem with anyone learning about life, by telling them they should know about “life” instead. 

We have one chance at life.  Unfortunately the world is ruled by people who think it is all a game, and compete with each other all of their lives and deceive good people who don’t want to play that game.  Or don’t play it well enough.  Everything can be proven, and I am not going to keep what I have learned to myself, despite the idea that I should be selfish with this info.  I have found an awful lot about the world, and if I keep it all selfishly to myself, instead of people whose shoes I have been in and if I haven’t been in those particular shoes, I can empathize with, I am just as selfish as the rest of them.  I have not turned my life around yet, but it is a daily procedure.  I will get there, and I will do the best to change the world.  I will change my world, and I will try and help YOU change your world.  There is too much apathy in this place.  I thought I was going crazy, and now I know who is crazy.  We can make this world better.  But we have to start with ourselves.  We are the most important people in our worlds, it only sounds so damn self absorbed because self absorbed people make it look that way, and would accuse you right away should you ever make a stand.  They think they are the most important people in their worlds, and more power to them, but to be the most important people in their worlds they have to live through a facade and leave broken hearts and souls on their way to “glory”.  We don’t need to do that, because we are better times a million.  Know your enemy.  They are only your enemy because they decided you were their enemy first.  That is why they are weak.  Paranoid, think they need to attack before they get attacked.  And they transfer that paranoia over to people who weren’t paranoid in the first place.  Every damn thing you fear about yourselves was transferred over to you by other people.  Every single thing.  You know your true faults.  You are distressed because you are dealing with faults that aren’t yours.  You take back your world, and you do it the right way, by KNOWING you are better than them.  Know their tactics, but don’t use them, and be aware of them.  If they don’t know you know how pathetic, weak, they really are (whoever these people are), you’ve got em!  Knowing is half the battle, and the other half is recovery from everything you’ve been through.  And that is through rest.  Pure rest.

Manipulation: STOP “playing the victim”

This manipulation tactic, is pure evil.  There are alot of people who are not victims who play the victim and give such an image as a victim a bad name, people think you are just acting up.  But when you are the victim, REALLY actually are, it is pure evil.  Alot of the people who play the victim, are either people just trying to be dramatic, actual victims, or the real danger here, THE ABUSER(S).

Alot of people love living their lives in drama oriented ways.  When they feel like a victim, it is usually because they got dumped, or didn’t get what they wanted.  That is not a victim.  It is something unlucky that happened, but it is not the victim.  If these people were the victim, they wouldn’t make sure that they get back at someone in some kinds of way.  Victims know what it is like to be a victim, so know how terrible it is to make someone be the victim.  Some fall, and take out their insecurities on other people, which is wrong, but those that don’t, such as me, and I’m sure it isn’t only me, alot or all of you guys, DON’T take your insecurities out.  We wouldn’t even make our worst enemies be victims, if we are strong enough that is.  The stronger you are, the “weaker” you are on this planet, because it feels like such a surge of power to take someone elses.  That is why you are strong.  You don’t take other peoples power.  Instead of taking other peoples power, I am trying to give power.  Trust me, this is strong.  Keep the faith.

I will ramble off into tangents regularly I think lol, just gotta be as natural as I can, that’s how I work best (and neither myself nor any of you should be anything other than natural).  As I said, proper victims don’t (or try their best not to) try to make other people victims.  I think only victims get that.  I would like to think I had an empathy from the start, and maybe I did, but I certainly haven’t seen it in anybody I’ve met in my real life, plenty of fake “empathy”, but none on my level.  I think I may have just been born with it, I think most people are born with it, but no doubt the bullying made me have greater empathy.  Instead of a greater thirst for revenge.  Believe me, I have wanted lots of revenge.  Hate is not the way forward, the lack of hate is what made you vulnerable to hate in the first place, and whatever hate you have in you, you are just holding onto what you were left with.  You have to work very hard, but you have to learn that the hate isn’t yours, no matter how “convinced” it is (and you have been convinced it is by the people who spread the hate), it isn’t yours, and you have to get that worked out.  But yeah, victims don’t do that, and you are already working away on things, even if you don’t know you are, and you are going in the right direction, even if you don’t think you are.

So ABUSERS playing the victim.  This is a big manipulation tactic that is screwing you up, if it is going on, and even if you are away from it.  One great way of abusers to combat you pleading with them is by telling you to “stop playing the victim”.  This insinuates that you are acting up.  YOU ARE the victim.  But this insinuates that you are being over dramatic.  And thus, you are using this technique against them.  Since alot of people play the victim that are only victims of not having things going as they wish it would, it gets a bad rap.  When people are actually victims, people lump them in with all of these other people.  Most abusers who use this technique (I can relate to this from having to go through it, and researching about it) are very very close to you.  They are your family.  Parents, spouse, siblings, maybe even children.  When I was being emotionally abused, I was accused of “playing the victim”.  I was being accused of doing a bad thing.  Being a victim is a “bad” thing to be in this case.  You being “a victim” is something that you shouldn’t be.  It is a failure on yourself.  If you shouted “I am the victim” in self defense, you would be ripped up further.  Emotional abusers abuse because they want your emotions, it is like candy to them.  A big tactic is by them playing the victim, so if you retort, you are guilt tripped about making people look like victims, and if you plead for mercy even, you are told to stop playing the victim.  You can’t win.  Being a victim is such a bad bad thing to be, so even if you know you are a victim, you have to say that you’re not a victim, because you are challenged to not be, as if it is something pathetic that you are.  And if you dare stand up for yourself, self defend with even LOGIC (the enemy of ignorance – but here’s the thing, ignorance KNOWS it is the enemy, it will fight very dirty against logic), YOU are now the abuser, the abuser plays the victim, and you have done something terrible.  When you are the victim, you are “playing” the victim.  When the abuser(s) play the victim, they ARE the victim.  So this is a terrible terrible technique, you are accused of being something terrible, when all you are doing is trying to deal with what is happening to you.  If you DARE point any fingers, you are ruining lives.  Some may have bigger balls.  Some (like me), tend to take that seriously.  The point is, with abusers, you can only live by their rules.  Their agenda is the only agenda, and if you question anything, especially with logic (a question might be “how am I abusing you when I left you completely alone and you just started going made at me?”).  The bad thing, all manipulation tactics, they have been learned by the outside world.  Hell, I honestly think alot of them just came to people, just like empathy came to me (either naturally or by being humbled, it got to me some way).  In group settings, manipulation rules the world.  In media, rules.  Even in work, relationships, manipulation rules.  Not all the time, but it can be very heavy and dominant.  The problem with a lot of you is that you don’t have any of this crazy thinking in your head, even if you tried to learn, you wouldn’t feel comfortable.  “Playing the victim”, when someone does this publically, it can be devastating.  Alot of people “play” it alright, but alot of people need desperate help, and most people in life, whether they have had mostly bad times or mostly good times, are unfortunately left alone when they actually need people.  When a LEGITIMATE VICTIM is told they are playing the victim, it causes havoc in the victims mind.  It is like being a victim is something terrible.  Some do rash things, popularly making someone else a victim, could just be a random person that they unleash negativity over (because it’s socially acceptable to do so), could be someone that has a “target” on them (the way they see it), but alot of victims, they take it all inwards.  They think they are absolutely crazy.  It is just another thing that they failed at.  And how can someone be a victim when this is followed up with “other people have it worse”.  Everybody knows everybody has it worse.  But when proper victims have it REALLY BAD, they do not get the attention from others or give the attention to themselves that they should be giving themselves because they are made to feel guilty for ever thinking about themselves, thinking about themselves is “self absorbed” or so on, they are not “allowed” to think of themselves as a victim, because they aren’t a victim, other people have it worse.  The people who spread these yarns, the worst thing that can happen to them is you calling them on their shit.  That is the worst thing that can happen to them.  And they have the audacity to use other peoples suffering AGAINST YOU to keep you from looking at yourself, and importantly, them.

You are made to FEEL GUILTY for other peoples suffering, you are made FEEL GUILTY for daring to look at your own needs, and you are made to FEEL GUILTY for ever looking at your abuser(s).  Most of them come with smiles, so when you “attack” them, they “play” the victim, and you are the abusive one.  It is so f’ed up.  It is the height of psychological/emotional abuse, it always works best from someone you have a bond with (or think you do), you “playing the victim” is an accusation that you are being silly, and if anyone is being abusive, it is you, and if you DARE stand up for yourself, you are abusing one more time, and it is pointed out by the abuser(s) playing the victim themselves, unable to cope with what you have done.  I hope this hasn’t happened to any of you, but it does happen and of course “you imagine it” all.  The best way to keep and make someone be more of a victim, is to convince them they are the abuser, and the abuser is the victim.  All abusers think they have been through a lot, they wouldn’t have a clue what to do if the shoe was on the other foot.  Victims have been through a lot, and the biggest problems is that everything is denied to them, all their problems are their own fault, and they are not the victim, they are merely “playing” the victim.  If a victim cannot recognize that he or she is a victim, they will not recover.  Emotional manipulators make it seem that thinking of yourself as a victim (when you are one) is something terrible to think, and if anyone is the victim, they are, and you should be ashamed of that, and doubly ashamed for ever thinking you are the injured party.

Everything can be proven though.  First of all, you get away from your abusers.  Secondly, you take the time to go through stuff in your mind.  For me, in my personal circumstances, I was convinced if anyone was a victim, it wasn’t me, and my refusal to accept that, was me being unable to accept reality.  So whatever I know about a lot of things, I had to work out every positive in my own favour repeatedly against total character assassination.  I stood up for myself as long as I could.  Eventually, I started getting killed for it, and the guilt trip always got me, every time.  Each time you have to apologize for defending yourself, you “learn” to not defend yourself a little bit more.  Next time you defend yourself, you have less fight.  Until you “learn” to not resist.  I would like to think I am just smart, but to be honest, the abuse was so heavy that it was hard for me to believe in myself.  I always knew I was right about things, and I knew my abusers were wrong, but I had to live like I was the wrong person and they were the right people.  And my refusal to accept any of that, was me not accepting reality.  It has been the hardest fight of my life, but it is one I’m glad I never gave up on, even when I could see no hope whatsoever.  And I am glad that I am dealt with alot of my problems myself, but I will still deal with what happened to me, by hoping other people can relate.  I am no one special, just a guy who had very unfortunate luck, and wasn’t allowed to admit it or even look at it as it was.  My parents think they are fucking great, excuse the language.  They are sick people, and I can’t believe how they can sleep at night.  It has been hard, because people who have great parents in the world, amazingly despite having a solid base can’t empathize with the idea that other people might not have great parents.  And if I have dealt with that, I certainly am not the only person who has dealt with that, just in my own individual world I was alone in that.

I will be posting some pretty morbid things about how abusers think because it is important to KNOW what their tactics are.  At least for me.  They do these kinds of things, they hide them well, they are ignorant for doing it.  They look at YOU as the ignorant one for not knowing it.  It is insane.  They are the ignorant ones.  It is not normal to play games with people, it is nowadays, but in terms of the overall picture, it absolutely isn’t nothing good can come of it, unless the despair of another human is the thing you dig.  I’ve learnt all this, because I needed to arm myself.  And I’ve gone further, because I had to know I was better than them.  And I want you to know you are better too.  Because we all are.  A simple viewpoint where friends are friends, is corrupted by greedy people, who won’t stop until they corrupt us, and if we kill ourselves because of it, that’s okay, they had “nothing” to do with it.

I always knew what was going on, but I never knew the art of it.  I never knew that they really could have been that bad.  I have been exposed to dark arts alot of the time.  I have seen bits of it outside the home a little bit too much in my life to be comfortable with, and it is the same answer if I ever said anything “what are you talking about”, with a weird look, implying that you are paranoid, or crazy.  So if I see that all the time outside my home, happening to not just myself but other people, odds are on that this is quite frequent.  And it certainly is.  Because people who are victims of bullying, alot of them want to KILL THEMSELVES.  I did too.  I’m telling you, you are the people who should not be feeling suicidal, you didn’t do anything wrong.  But anyway, enough about this at the moment, it has been suggested that some of my posts are too long, so I’m going to work on making them shorter, I just get passionate sometimes, that’s all.

Just a change up

Hi People,


I’m just going to be changing things up a little bit.  I hope to still get some questions (I know how scary it is to put yourself up there, but it is also brave, this is your life, do whatever the hell you have to do to get it together), but I’m going to be like most other bloggers, I’m going to use this as a vehicle for my own thoughts on things.  Luckily for you, aside from the crap I have been through in my life, alot of the reason it has been so hard is because I have always had a “why can’t everyone get along?” point of view.  This isn’t a popular point of view to have, in a world where people primarily think “what about me” I thought “what about us”.  Thinking like this has been “wrong”, but I’ve been spending the last year working hard at proving it is right to think like this.  Believe me, I thought it was VERY VERY WRONG.  I just wish I could have been an asshole, it was “wrong” of me not to be an asshole.  So I had a lot of stuff to get over myself, especially the “too nice” thing.  I’m just nice, simple.  Simple is also stupid, don’t you know?  Simple is genius, complicated is stupid.  Simple things being made complicated (bullies take a very simple thing like you liking yourself and make that into a big complicated thing where you DON’T like yourself) is the reason the world is in a mess, and why people get into a mess.  If you can’t handle it, you’re “weak”.  No one is weak, except those who try to make people feel weak.  And it just so turns out the majority of the world likes to do that to each other.  So something I like to say to people, you are just YOU.  Because it’s the truth.  But people warp each other into a million different things, and if you don’t join the gravy train, if you don’t “man up” and give up, people will warp you into whatever they like.  And if you do “man up” (or “woman up”) and you have met your purpose in various relationships, you will be warped again.  And it only hurts the people the most who wouldn’t warp anyone, or see how anyone would ever want to do such a thing.  Anyway, I’m going to be writing more freely from now on, I have a lot of things to say and my “what about us” point of view has made me think about the world, not just myself.  If I thought about myself exclusively, who knows where I would be, I would no doubt be incredibly shallow, I wouldn’t be writing something like this.  I always used to wish I could turn back time.  Not now, I am happy for what I have been through, NOT HAPPY for what happened, but happy for what I have learned, and happy that I am now proud to have morals, instead of hiding them and opening myself up for attack when I made them visible.  It is OKAY to be a good person.  I have had to discover why it isn’t okay to be a good person, and boy have I opened a can of worms, and I feel I have closed it.  Well, that is what I am going to try and get across, because all this bullying stuff is someone or some people that opened a can of worms and has made you all go through it and left you with all responsibilty, even for opening it, when you clearly didn’t.  I am going to try and keep things concise, and make every post abit different anyway.  I can share the “knowledge” I have acquired better when I shoot from the hip as opposed to sticking to a question.

Secondly, I CURSE alot.  These are only words, but why think like me?  I find it is good going FUUUUUUCK with regards to alot of this stuff, because we all have every right to be angry about it, anger is an important emotion, you shouldn’t unleash your anger on people who don’t deserve it, but you should get that anger out of you anyway you can, including cursing as much as humanly possible lol.  Sometimes.  When any bad thing or series of things happen to you, no matter how nice you are, you do naturally get angry.  You have got to release most of that anger (over time), because that anger, like every other repressed emotion, kills you inside, and anger is something you feel over bullying because you are being INVALIDATED AS A HUMAN BEING.  That is how bullying makes you feel, it makes you feel like you are not worthy of BASIC HUMAN RESPECT.  You feel angry about that, but alot of the time that anger goes inwards.  You keep it in you.  And then you go numb from it being in you, you think it isn’t there, and if it does come out, you think you’re going nuts.  So this started about cursing, I won’t curse anymore unless I feel it is really necessary, but the truth is I curse because it releases anger in little little pieces that NEEDS to get out, and I encourage you to do it.  It can make you feel bitter, but the anger needs to get out.  If not cursing, punch some pillows.  Scream into a pillow (hold it tight and no one will hear).  You have to get out that emotion that is crushing you, it is crushing you because you where never allowed to express it, either because you just weren’t, or because you took things personally instead of getting even.  I was certainly the latter, and the anger I denied having manifested itself and stopped me dead, it stayed within me, and I blamed myself for everything that happened to me.  It is not all you, sometimes it is not you at all, but when there are other factors at play, and you direct all that anger inward, you are doing it wrong.  Anyway, i can go on about this another time, point is, no more cursing 😉


Thinking Corner: SENSITIVITY

EEK!!!  SENSITIVITY.  That “terrible” thing that we all are.  EEK!

The whole blog here is to tell you what is RIGHT with you as opposed to what is WRONG with you, and I don’t get questions all the time, I put them up because I know people can relate to them but I have an awful lot more opinions on things that I KNOW are correct and I want to spread around.  A big point of all of these is SENSITIVITY.  Why it is GOOD.  Because all you hear is “awww.  Be nice to this person, they’re sensitive”, or “you’re too sensitive”.  So here we go with sensitivity.

Sensitivity, is an awareness of the world that you have that not alot of other people have.  A PLUS.  It doesn’t matter if you have been made to be sensitive because of bullying, or you were bullied for being “too sensitive”, the fact of the matter is you are sensitive.  THAT is a GOOD thing.  So I’ll stop telling you how good it is, and start to reason why it is such a good thing.  Remember, I think I said this in my last post, the enemy of ego (powered by ignorance beyond “me and what I can use for me”) is logic.  Everything can be proved with logic, and when the logic is overwhelmed by ego, and has to wipe through it (slowly), you come to learn your logic is right, because it is trial by error, you want your views “the world is crazy” but you have to put them against the views of things like “maybe I am TOO sensitive”.  So when you get things in your favour, you know you did it the right way, because you gave full objectivity to what you want to hear.

So, sensitivity is an awareness of the world.  Not just you, though you are, you are aware of things beyond you.  Everyone is sensitive.  The most dangerous people who “warp” the views of the world and enforce these as true by “proof” of popularity (i.e. strength by numbers) are the people who react in “acceptable” ways to things.  They are the most sensitive.  You are just sensitive of the sensitive out there.  You are sensitive too, but the real real sensitive, they are the people you can’t ask for the time without getting a dose of negativity from them.  Or the ones who abuse you and “think” they are the ones who have been abused, when you try and reason with LOGIC, they play the victim, if they don’t put a guilt trip on you, they ACT like you have done something to them, the way they see things is you have “brought things on yourself”.  They are totally innocent in their own frame of mind.  And then when you have a real real problem with how you have been treated, and are scared to fight back, or just have some ideal that you wish there didn’t have to be any fighting, you are “too sensitive”.  The most sensitive people on this planet are the people who attack attack attack, and then act like they have done nothing wrong.  They are sensitive to the fucking truth, and it has gotten out of hand.

You people are sensitive too, but you are “sensitive” as if it is all who you are.  You are you.  You are not any label.  Yes you are sensitive, but the hilarity (when you start to see it, it isn’t funny until you can see it) of the world is that the people who are labeled as the most sensitive are the only people who are sensitive in a GOOD WAY, the people who throw around labels to make you think you are something terrible ARE sensitive, but in a totally vitrolic way.  You are the good sensitive, the bad sensitive are in denial of being sensitive, and will “prove” they aren’t by hurling it as some kind of terrible thing (it is “terrible” because these overly sensitive misfits secretly hate it about themselves, they have and likely will spend all their lives covering up something seen as “weak”, unaware of the damage it makes the STRONG people, who can admit it, go through) to others.

There are two things in this world.  ONE:  EGO ; TWO:  SOUL.  Ego basically wants all soul dead, unless it can USE IT to look like it has soul.  

Soul just wants people to get along.  Soul is “too sensitive”, and is labeled as such as if they are muck, and ego is “totally not sensitive, no, no… definitely not… definitely not…” .  People with GENUINE SOUL, a big big part of that is the sensitivity they use.  It is AWARENESS, or heightened perception you could say.  IT IS A GOOD THING.  You can see things others can’t.  The only reason “you can’t” is because people who chose a long time ago to follow their ego say “you can’t”.  Because ego only sees what it wants to see.  You see what you don’t want to see, and ego is so full of lust and jealousy that it could not stand anyone being better than it.  There are two types of humans.  1.  Soul humans.  and 2.  Ego humans.  And ego humans have strength in numbers.  And are brilliant at faking that they have soul.  I would like to think they do have a bit of soul, but I have had a hard time finding a human who seems to care about things even as close to me.  I am “too sensitive”.  It is only in the last year I have started working through a lot of things, and it was important to stop listening to what the ego was “telling” me to listen to.  That’s the thing.  Ego owns things like the media, and the souls of the people who follow every fad that is out there, things like schools you grew up being educated in, and a multitude of other things.  Its “cool” to make appearances, it’s social suicide to have a conscience.  Because ego, ego doesn’t have a conscience.  Ego’s whole deal is “all that matters is me”, and that is the basis that drives “successful” humans.  I’m not just doing this to help people recover, I’m doing it to show the “successful” what successful really is.  You do it without ego.  That thing you “have” to have to be “happy”.

As I said, sensitivity is the thing that allows you to have a conscience, that thing that makes you aware at your very base that other people do exist, that makes you compassionate, makes you want to just get along with people, makes you empathetic instead of apathetic, makes you see things that other people can’t see, makes you value real human life, beyond your own.  So when these amazing qualities are stamped on, you feel like you have been violated, and you have.  But you “asked for it”, because of “how you are” or some stupid shit like that.  So you, being down in the dumps, feeling like absolute shit, even hating yourself, you are told “every human is responsible for what happens to them”.  The problem is, this pearl of wisdom comes from ego, and is IGNORANT (this is the power of ego, hence also it’s weakness, because this is biased in its favour) to the entire of existence of people who don’t subscribe to that ridiculous “logic”.  Every human is responsible, but the people who don’t “think” they are sensitive because they hide it behind a ridiculous facade make the people in touch with their sensitivity think that they are totally responsible for everything in their lives.  You are, but you have an awareness of the whole fucking world that you are told you are “wrong” for having and “wrong” for getting upset when you are lashed out at with the sensitivity of these others who propogate a myth that “nice guys finish last/you have to be an asshole to succeed”.

You people are the BRILLIANT members of the human race, you have a sensitivity which enables you to see things, and you can’t help but see the bad things, and you can’t help but think the bad things “aren’t really there” because you are told you are imagining things and your “problem” is that you aren’t tough enough.  This is not your problem, it is one of your biggest strengths.  You are able to live in a world where people fuck each other up and think absolutely nothing of it if they aren’t the victim in the piece and these morons in ABSOLUTE DENIAL aren’t able to live in a world if someone has a better car than they happen to have.  And they feel “strong” when they have a better car than this other person, and love to show how much better they are, but of course, “it’s all in your head”.  Weak is psychologically abusing each other over menial little things and hiding behind an ideal like “that’s life”.  Strong is not doing that.  And the only reason you think you are weak, is because you are told you are weak by a truthfully very dominant force called ego that people live for.  These people think they live life to enjoy, but they’re living for their fucking ego, and one day, it is going to slap them across the face when they finally do some thinking.  This will be your revenge, because by the time they finally do some thinking (I’m talking about REAL thinking), they will be lost, and pissed off because they won’t know what to do.  You have already been doing some REAL thinking, but you are “sensitive” because you are the only people doing it in the first place.  And you are made to feel really bad for being sensitive (and remember, you have been made to feel sensitive like it is some badge you are forced to wear until you “grow up”, because you were sensitive in the first place, and not in denial of it) when the absolute truth is it is the best thing you could be.  But you fail to see it, even a glimmer of why this is such a good thing, because you are told in nearly every platform that “you should be there, instead of being here”.  You should be more of an asshole, instead of being “too nice”.  Look at all you can “get”.  You are only interested in real things, like a soulmate (which has been beaten out of you), doing something amazing (which has been beaten out of you), wanting a better world (which is “delusional” of you to think about), or whatever dreams you have that make you “crazy”.  We are in a world that doesn’t value soul.  Unless it can be exploited for ego purposes.  Soul makes you the good kind of sensitive.  Ego makes you the bad kind of sensitive, the kind of sensitive that laughs at soul and twists it into a million different things until you “grow up”.  

Your sensitivity is only such a bad thing because everyone who has pointed it out like a virus that you are infested with could only DREAM of being in touch with, or even having the sensitivity you are in possession of.  Everybody looks alike.  Because they follow ego, and would be DEADLY FRIGHTENED of not looking alike, yet think of themselves as dynamic individuals, and their denial is that they believe this to their very core.  That is the danger, because people with ego “think” they’re good people, and you are horrible for seeing people as they really are, the best defense is to make you think you’re crazy, for being sensitive and for ever having an opinion.  But that is also the solution.  These people “think” they are who they are.  When they have a mid life crisis, they will be lost because they won’t have a fucking clue who they are.  You will though, but not until you start realizing you ARE NOT who you have been labeled as.  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.  I know you do.  You have forgotten many things, but you started to forget those things when you were TOLD you had to be ashamed of being so sensitive.  It’s like a cancer in this world, sensitivity.  The most beautiful thing of humans, an awareness of the world as it is.  But the only accepted sensitivity is the sensitivity that “isn’t” sensitivity, can come out in bullying (slanderous especially), violence, rape, murder, kidnapping, any way that is bad.  And every single one of these people who do these things, “of course is not” sensitive, you shouldn’t have been so “sensitive” i.e. a “target”.  You shouldn’t have done that.  The sensitivity that doesn’t destroy other humans, is a big fucking strength.  But we have all thought for years it is something terrible about us, that eats away at us, at how “weak” we are.  It is our BIGGEST strength.  By a mile.  So I don’t just want people to recover from the tidal wave of abuse that has happened to them thus they have directed onto themselves, I want people to be the absolute best they can be, and KNOW they can be.  This is recovery first, I want you to recover.  Whay you are “going to do”, until you stop getting that wrapped up in everything else, I don’t want you to think about that.  Take it from me, it isn’t that easy, but I want to remember the most important thing in your life is to find out who you are, because who you really are has been manipulated into thinking you’re pathetic, and it is the total opposite, and the people who don’t think they are pathetic, that is so unbelievably the opposite as well.  That is only unbelievable right now because you have been told such a thought would be unbelievable in the first place.  Everything bad you have been through, you have been “told” you brought it on yourself, by being too sensitive or something that projects blame away from the abuser onto you.  And that is how ego does ALL ALL ALL of its damage.  It projects what it fears deep deep down about itself onto others.  Everything you have been told you are and how you deserve it (and even if you have not been verbally told, the very act of offenses carried the implication of “you deserve this”) is a BIG FAT LIE.  And most people believe in the lie.  But not sensitive people, out of being humbled or just plain humble in the first place (which is another “terrible” quality of yours.  Nope, it’s not anywhere close to terrible), you are TOLD to believe the lie, and told in as many ways as you can, guilt trips, manipulation, gaslighting, to BELIEVE in the lie.  Everyone else believes in the lie, and that is how fucked up they really are.  You don’t believe in the lie, that is why you are hurting, because you are told that you are not “coping with reality” or whatever.  If you believe in the lie, you will be “happy”.  If you really want to be happy, be who you are, but find out who you are, find out who you are against (and it is not you with the problem, people who live for their EGO created the problems, ego creates ALL problems on this planet), find out why you are better than those you are against, and become happy, and not following the insane game of people who need new “things, things and more things” and screw over people because “they shouldn’t have been there” (it is never because “I’m a piece of shit”, it is always “they did it”) so they can attain their “happiness”.  These people will never be happy, because they live in a game world where everyone and everything is interchangeable and the bullshit themselves that they are happy as often as they can, and love to show people how happy they are as often as they can.  It’s a big fucking game, and these children don’t even have any guilt over the lives they destroy of people who don’t play the same rules they play with, or because they are wearing different shirts.  YOU ARE FAR BETTER THAN THESE PEOPLE.  But first of all, you have to recover from the abuse (that you are obviously “blowing out of proportion”… yeah obviously… couldn’t have anything to do with any of us.  These people are too sensitive… yeah…. that must be it…).  That is the first thing you have to do.  It is YOUR RIGHT as a human being to recover from, and then spend as much time as you need to recover from.  It is YOUR RIGHT.  To do it however the hell you want to as well.  I know the only hate you people have in you has been implanted from the world around you, that’s why you got bullied in the first place, and always have, because you didn’t have any hate.  All the hate you have had, you have struggled with, because it isn’t yours.  You only hold onto it because it was given to you.  Get over EVERYTHING, and then decide how you can own your world again.  Because you will, no matter how many times you have stumbled, you are strong from stumbling and still going, you are strong because you have been told you are weak but you are still going, you are strong because you are SENSITIVE to the fact that human beings have things known as rights.  You are beautiful, and I love you all!!!